Free Changing Course by Aly Martinez Page A

most part, they have closed up all of her wounds. I think they are just wanting to talk to her for a minute before they allow you in to see her.”
    "Well, that's good news." I breathe out a sigh of relief before going back to my selfish pity party.
    "Just go take a shower. I'll come get you as soon as the doctors will let you see her."
    "Okay, I'll be quick," I say as she looks at me sadly, her eyes filled with sympathy.
    I walk into room 228 finding it decorated the exact same way as the room the day of the accident. I felt so hopeful that day knowing that Sarah was alive. We had cheated death. Literally. Today, only seven months later, I feel nothing but defeat.
    I make my way over to the shower and turn it to the hottest setting. I need to feel something. The burn of hot water might be enough to help me wash away this day along with the blood of the love of my life. I look down at my hands, dried blood still settled deep into my knuckles. I did my best to clean up with the rag the paramedic gave me, but I wasn't worried about my appearance as I watched them load Sarah into an ambulance, yet again.
    While staring at my hands, I notice my wedding ring caked in dried blood. The symbolism of this moment is overwhelming, even for a simple man like myself. Spinning it around a few times, I try to scratch off the chipping brown with my fingernail. I'm too afraid to take it off. Even just for a minute to clean it. In a lot of ways, this ring is the only thing left of my marriage.
    Sarah never put her rings back on after the accident. The nurses were forced to cut them off when she was brought in on that night. I took them the very next day to have them repaired. I even went so far as to pay the rush fee to ensure that they would be ready before she was released from the hospital. However, when I handed them back to her, excited to see her reaction, she just gave me a weak smile and placed them on her nightstand. The next day, she moved them to her jewelry box. The very same place they still sit today.
    Reaching down, I slide the platinum band off my finger. I hold it up, looking closely at every bump and blemish. I never take my ring off and it shows in its tattered condition. Inside, it is still shiny silver. Clean and unscratched. My breath catches and my chest tightens when I see the inscription.
     
    No take backs. Love always, Danika.
     
    "FUCK!" I scream, throwing the ring across the tiny bathroom. I step back against the wall, sliding down until my ass finds the cold hospital tile. I know I need to get up, but I don’t have the strength to face this god-awful situation anymore. Sitting with my legs bent, elbows touching my knees, I drop my head only to see that silver blood-covered reminder resting directly between my feet. Begrudgingly picking it back up, I move to the sink. Using a damp wash cloth, I begin to scrub away the stains. Once it had been returned to its normal worn state, I tucked it into a small pocket in my wallet. Wearing it, just felt like a lie.
     
    S NAPPING BACK to the present, I realize that I've been standing here holding Jess for several minutes now. She hasn't tried to move away either, and if it's even possible, I think she snuggled closer. Her hands are wrapped around my waist, my left hand holding her head to my chest, and my right wrapped around her shoulders. Despite my mind screaming at me to let her go for fear of leading her on again, I can't seem to convince my body to release her. It's been a really long time since I've been physically connected to another person like this. I have to admit it feels amazing. And even more confusing, it feels right.
    I step back and reluctantly let my arms fall away. "Did you mean it?" I ask.
    "Mean what?"
    "About starting over and pretending none of this ever happened?"
    "Yeah. I'd love to forget all about today."
    "Done," I say before turning and walking away. She stands stunned by my sudden departure. Looping around a beer cart, I head back in her