Free If Forever Comes by A. L. Jackson Page B

in
their presence, because all they did was encourage and judge and
prod and promise me things that could never be. None of them knew
what they were talking about.
    They didn’t.
    They couldn’t.
    I stood at the bottom of the last step,
clinging to the railing as if it were a lifeline. “I’m actually
feeling pretty well today. You know what, why don’t you go on
without me? While I have the energy, I think I’d better clean up
some stuff around here. The house could really use a good
cleaning.”
    Frowning, she lifted a brow as she called my
bluff. “You can clean later. And we have reservations. Come on,
let’s go.” She tossed the last shirt on the folded pile and grabbed
her purse from the floor.
    She headed out the door, leaving it wide open
behind her.
    Sighing, I followed, knowing there was no
chance I was going to get out of this. I stepped outside into the
day. Natalie already sat waiting for me in her little, white
four-door sedan.
    In surrender, I settled into the front
passenger seat.
    The ten-minute drive to the restaurant was
taken in near silence. Natalie continually stole glances at me,
kneading the steering wheel as if she were building up the nerve to
say something. I kept my attention trained on my fingers that I
twisted on my lap, just wishing for the next hour to be over
with.
    Natalie pulled into the restaurant parking
lot, found a spot, and cut the engine. I stepped from the car. My
attention darted around to see the parked cars of the women of my
family who’d gathered. The ones who were always there to support
and love.
    A wave of guilt crashed over me.
    God, what was wrong with me?
    These women only cared about me.
    I dropped my head, squeezing my eyes shut as I
put a hand out to steady myself on the car, knowing I’d do anything
to make it back, to dig myself out of this hole that I had fallen
into.
    I just didn’t know the way.
    “Are you ready, sweetie?” Natalie asked as she
climbed from her car. Brown eyes full of worry met mine over the
roof of the car.
    “Yeah,” I lied.
    She smiled and inclined her head toward the
restaurant door. “Come on, I’m starving. Let’s get something to
eat.”
    I followed her inside. Small, square tables
filled the entirety of the authentic Mexican restaurant. A din of
voices rose up in the intimate space as waitresses rushed around
during the busy lunch hour, casting quick smiles as they wove
through the tables to serve their guests.
    Toward the back of the restaurant, where two
tables had been pushed together to accommodate all of us, Sarah
waved wildly above her head.
    “There they are!” Natalie lifted her own hand
and waved. She grabbed one of mine and wove us through the crush of
tables. “Hey, guys,” she said as we approached.
    Both of my sisters tossed their napkins to the
table as they stood, greetings on their smiling faces.
    “You made it,” Sarah, my older sister, said as
she rounded the table and pulled me into her arms. Her hold was
warm in its unending support.
    I stiffened.
    I knew she noticed my reaction, and still, she
only hugged me tighter.
    “It’s so good to see you, Elizabeth,” she
murmured quietly, pulling back to look me in the face.
    “It’s good to see you, too,” I said. I knew
somewhere inside me it was the truth.
    Squeezing me by the upper arms, she stepped
back.
    Carrie, my younger sister, was hugging Natalie
before she pranced over to me. A cheery smile split her face.
“Elizabeth! God, where have you been? I miss you.” She hugged me a
little too hard.
    I struggled to breathe.
    It was always a chore, forcing the air in and
out of my lungs, taking in this requirement for life. It was a
hundredfold in the presence of her overzealous welcome.
    And it wasn’t her fault, I knew. That was just
it. Of everyone here, Carrie was the one who understood the least.
She’d spoken words that had cut through me with the force of a
knife.
    It just wasn’t meant to
be.
    I knew she truly only meant it