Free Evolution by Sam Kadence Page B

way to become a pop star.” We stood in silence, him refusing to look at me and me moving toward the door. “A crappy way to begin a relationship, though.”
    I slid into my shoes. “Can’t have a relationship if it’s only one-sided.” Leaving felt like running, but I had nothing else to do but move forward as I always did. “Let yourself out, and don’t worry about locking the door. I have nothing valuable to steal.”
    He said nothing as I left. I trudged down the stairs, feeling four hundred pounds heavier and terrified of the one thing that had never scared me before—being alone. How could I have grown accustomed to having him around so quickly? What if the studio didn’t want me anymore, since I was obviously not willing to be quiet about my homosexuality? What if the guys didn’t want me in the band now? What else could I do with my life? How alone would I be without the band, the music, and Kerstrande?
    Arriving at the studio didn’t lighten my mood. Rob didn’t remark about the tear-stains on my face. Joel just gave me a hug and an ice cream sandwich. I worked hard, sang what they told me to, and pretended the world didn’t exist outside the music. It worked for a while. Devon called at lunch to ask me to dinner. I wondered if it would have been a date and why I’d never seen him like that. But I did turn him down and texted Cris instead, who immediately seemed to sense a change even from a text message. I had to put him off until later, though he kept pinging my phone.
    Mr. Tokie pulled me aside just before it was time to go and gave me a note. It read:
    Have a nice life, pop star.
    Kerstrande Petterson
    The words took a few minutes to sink in. Though it was written on REA letterhead, I knew his writing. Had I really messed up or what? Maybe if I’d called him, apologized for leaving in a huff. I dunno. So this was it? The end of whatever Kerstrande and I could have built felt a lot like my heart breaking. Pain walloped my chest, and I struggled not to fall to the floor in a heap of quivering tears. Not like I hadn’t seen it coming.
    “You worked hard today. Exceptionally well. I suspect your distractions of late have been due to young Mr. Petterson. Now that we’ve remedied that situation, I expect your performance to continue to improve.” Mr. Tokie adjusted his glasses again. He stared down at me with open dislike. “Go home. Get some rest. I’ll pick you up at eight tomorrow morning.” He motioned me to the door.
    I left in somewhat of a daze, managing to find my way out of the building and to my car without tripping down the stairs or anything. My dirt-covered Honda laughed at me as I got in and headed to the other job. I worked until 1:00 a.m. on autopilot, then went to Cris’s feeling like I could purge Kerstrande from my system by using my friend’s generosity and kindness.
    When I arrived at his loft, he opened the door wearing nothing but loose running shorts. His mussed-up wet hair meant he’d probably been working out and had just showered, knowing I was arriving soon. His smile made my heart ache and tears stung my sight.
    He opened his arms. I threw myself into them and sobbed. “It’s okay, Little One.” His words were soft and comforting.
    “I’m sorry.”
    “No need to be.” Cris lead me to his couch, a huge suede monster with cushions soft enough to sleep on, and cradled me in his lap. “You want to talk about it?”
    No, but yes. Instead I kissed him. He returned it with his usual skill. Until Kerstrande, I’d never thought anyone could kiss better than Cris, and it wasn’t so much KC’s skill as it was the things I felt for him.
    Cris pulled away first, his expression soft and understanding, which just made me cry even harder. I buried my face against his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
    “Oh, Gene, I knew this day would come eventually.” He held me so tight I wished it had been him that had captured my heart.
    I rubbed his stomach. He caught my wrist