Free Origin by Jessica Khoury Page A

relentless drumbeat. These are the notes I hear best, perhaps because they seem more like an amplification of my own pounding heart. My palms are sweating, and I wipe them absently on the chiffon of my dress, passing the flashlight from hand to hand.
    It doesn’t take long to circle the glass house, though I go slowly, watching every shadow for sign of my mother or Uncle Paolo. Everything is quiet; I hear nothing but the wind in the trees and the constant humming of cicadas, which I am so used to that I only hear it when I think about it directly.
    Once behind the house, I kneel at the hole in the fence and push the heavy leaves of the bromeliads aside. The gap is still there; a part of me had hoped it was just a trick of my mind. But it’s there, and, as terrified as I am, I’m not stopping now. I’venever wanted anything in my life as badly as I want to be on the other side of the fence. It shouldn’t be like this, I know. I lack nothing in Little Cam. In the jungle there’s only darkness; I don’t know what I think I’ll find in the trees and leaves.
    Hesitating, feeling the dampness of the ground through my dress, I fight the impulse. But it’s strong, stronger than it’s ever been before.
Go! Go! Go!
my heart screams at me, low and steady and irresistible. It is the drums pounding beneath the jazz. It is the thrashing of a wild, savage inner demon I never knew I had inside me. Uncle Paolo says there are no such things as demons or angels, so perhaps it is simply another Pia. The Pia who gets bored with her own birthday party and hides maps of the world under her carpet.
    As if spurning my hesitance, Alai suddenly darts forward and slips through the hole, not a single hair touching the fence. He stops on the other side and turns to watch me with moonlike eyes. I turn on the flashlight and inspect the gap. I can fit if I crawl on my belly. The dress will be ruined, but I’ll probably never wear it again anyway. The fence is tangled and bent, but nowhere have the wires been severed by the uprooted tree, which must be why the alarm in the guard house wasn’t triggered. Straggly roots hang down like hair from the larger tubers of the fallen tree, creating a tangled, dirty curtain. When I lean back, the hole disappears behind the plants around it. I wonder that I saw it at all.
    Alai paces back and forth, urging me with his yellow gaze to follow.
    Go now or lose your chance forever
, Wild Pia’s voice whispers in my head. She frightens me with her fierceness, but I obey.
    I toss the flashlight through the gap. Its beam shines back at me, illuminating my way. Now I must hurry; if anyone wanders near this spot, they couldn’t miss the light if they tried, much less the girl in the teal gown clawing her way through the fence like a capybara grubbing for seeds.
    I’m careful not to let the fence snag my skin as I crawl. It won’t hurt me. Not
me
. But I don’t want to set off the alarm by brushing against the wires and triggering a shock.
    Once I’m on the other side, I fluff the dirt with my hands and straighten the bromeliads I crushed in my escape. When I am satisfied that my exit has been well hidden, I pick up my flashlight and turn to face the jungle. Beside me, Alai roars.
    “Sh!” I clamp my hand over his muzzle, and he shakes his head irritably before bounding a few steps forward. With the jaguar to guide me, I start for the trees.
    I have only gone a dozen steps when Little Cam disappears behind me and a wave of dizziness and breathlessness drives me to my knees. I cling to the jaguar and fight the stars that dance tauntingly in my vision.
    What are you doing, oh, what have you done? They’ll find you, they’ll catch you, you stupid, stupid girl!
I stand and turn around, ready to go back, finished with escape and madness and the dark. But I don’t take a step. I stand there, eyes wide, flashlight aimed at the ground, just breathing.
    After a few minutes, I feel my nerves calm. Turning again toward