Free Rule of Life by Richard Templar Page B

feel safe and warm and dry. But every now and then we need to step outside and be challenged, be frightened, be stimulated. It’s this way that we stay young and feel good about ourselves.
    If we grow too attached to our comfort zone, chances are it will start to shrink, or something will come along and disman-tle it. Fate, or whatever it is that runs things, doesn’t like us to get too complacent, and every now and then it gives us a great big cosmic kick up the backside to wake us up. If we have practiced stretching the boundaries of our woolly cocoon occasionally, that kick won’t have too much impact—we’re ready for it—it’s much easier to cope.
    But it’s more than that. Expanding your comfort zone makes you feel good about yourself. It gives you extra confidence.
    And the best bit is that you can do it oh so gently. You don’t have to go hang gliding or fire walking or have sex with a stranger just to test your comfort zone. It might be as simple as volunteering for something that you’ve never done before and that you feel slightly nervous about. It could be taking up a new sport or hobby. Maybe it will involve joining something.
    It could be doing something alone that you’ve only ever done in company before or speaking up for yourself when you would usually keep quiet.

    R U L E 3 3
    We impose a lot of restrictions on ourselves that limit us, hold us back. We think we couldn’t do that, wouldn’t feel happy with that. Taking the challenge of expanding our comfort zone brings us out of ourselves and keeps us learning and growing.
    You can’t grow mold if you’re growing experience.
    E X PA N D I N G YO U R
    C O M FO R T Z O N E M A K E S
    YO U F E E L G O O D A B O U T
    YO U R S E L F.

    R U L E 3 4
    Learn to Ask Questions
    Look, you may not like the answers, but at least you’ll know.
    Most of the world’s problems can be laid firmly at the feet of assumptions. If we assume (no, I’m not going to do that dread-ful “it makes an ass out of u and me” stuff*) then, in effect, we think we know but we don’t. We assume that our bit of faulty information is a fact, and things go on getting worse. We assume that other people like our plan but they don’t, and it all goes pear-shaped. Better to ask questions right from the start and know what’s what.
    Questions help clarify the situation. Questions put people on the spot, which means they have to think—and thinking is always a good thing for everybody about everything.
    Questions help people clarify their thoughts. Questions demand answers, and answers require the situation to be thought through, to its logical conclusion.
    As someone very wise and very dear to me once said, “The better you understand the beliefs, actions, desires, and wants of others, the more likely you are to make the right response, alter your own thinking where necessary, and generally be successful.”
    Asking questions gives you time to think, buys you breathing space. Rather than flying off the handle because you think you know the situation, it’s better to ask a few questions and find out the truth. You’ll be better equipped to respond logically, calmly, and correctly.
    *I know I did but that was a joke.

    R U L E 3 4
    You can always tell the real Rules Players; they’re the ones asking questions while others are reacting, panicking, misin-terpreting, assuming, losing control, and generally behaving badly.
    Ask questions of yourself constantly. Ask why you think you’re right—or wrong. Ask yourself why you are doing certain things, want other things, follow a particular course of action. Question yourself firmly and rigorously, because maybe there isn’t anyone else doing it. And you need it. We all do. It keeps us from assuming we know what’s best for ourselves.
    And, of course, there is a time to stop asking questions—of others and of ourselves. You have to know when to back off.
    All this takes a long time to learn, and we all make mistakes as we go.