Free Divine Misfortune (2010) by A. Lee Martinez Page A

She showed the dryad the line to the bathroom. An ogre lumbered up to Teri. He spoke
     with a dry, cracked voice. “Are you Teri Robinson?”
    She nodded.
    “There’s a fury looking for you.” The swung his arm toward the front door. “And she looks pissed.”
    The fury invoked by the homeowners association was a cruel, pale woman in a crimson pantsuit. She’d been called down to enforce
     the code, and she did so with all the dedication with which her other sisters might chase down murderers and tax evaders.
     She could detect the smallest violation ranging from improper lawn ornamentation, loose shingles, and bird-houses with an
     improper motif. Teri considered passing her off to Phil, but he was still in the middle of his tournament and having a good
     time. So she decided to handle it.
    The fury glared with deep red eyes. “Mrs. Robinson, you are aware you are in violation of several important regulations.”
    “Can I offer you a beer?” asked Teri.
    “No.” The fury’s frown deepened. “Thank you, but I’m on duty.” She clicked a pen and began filling out a citation. “You are
     aware that all parties require two weeks’ notice?”
    “It’s not really a party.”
    “Any gathering that involves more than five cars or eight nonresident guests is defined as a party according to the code.
     You’d know that if you read the regulation book.”
    “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to do that, but I’ve been really busy lately and—”
    “Ignorance of the code is no excuse.” The black veins on the fury’s skull-like face throbbed. She ripped the citation from
     the pad and thrust it accusingly at Teri. “I’ve issued a warning this time, as per homeowners association guidelines.” The
     fury smiled, revealing sharp teeth perfect for ripping out the throats of murderers, traitors, and those damned souls who
     dared to stick plastic pink flamingoes on their lawn. “Don’t let it happen again.”
    Lucky appeared beside Teri. He hopped up and intercepted the citation.
    “Edna, is that you? You’re looking scarier than ever.”
    “Lucky, you ol’ son of a bitch.”
    “Hey now, what’s this?” He scanned the citation. “You’re not raining down wrath on my girl Teri here, are you?”
    “Just doing my job,” said Edna, sounding a bit guilty. “She’s not one of yours, is she?”
    “Yep. But more importantly, she’s a good kid.”
    “Rules are rules.”
    “We’re celebrating, and it got a little out of hand. My fault, not hers. Can’t we look the other way just this once?”
    “Well…” The fury’s fury faded. The citation disappeared in a flash of white flame. “I could never say no to you, Lucky.”
    “Come on in. Have a beer.”
    “One can’t hurt, I suppose.” She pulled out the stiletto knives keeping her hair in a bun. The black curls cascaded down past
     her shoulders as she joined the party.
    “Thanks,” said Teri.
    “Don’t mention it, kid.” He winked. “All part of the service, right? Do yourself a favor, Teri. Relax a little. Have a good
     time. Mortal life is too short to be worried all the time.”
    Janet showed up, handed Lucky a fresh beer. “Didn’t you promise to introduce me to that fox-eared demigoddess?”
    He led her away.
    Teri found Phil in the kitchen.
    “So how did the tournament go?” she asked.
    “You are now looking at Red Ronan, reigning Death Ninja 3 champion of Heaven and Earth.”
    She put her arms around him and gave him a kiss. “I think we made the right decision.”
    “Are you sure? No more doubts?”
    She shrugged. “Maybe a little bit of doubt. But not very much.”
    “All I can ask for at this stage, I suppose,” said Phil.
    She kissed him again.
    Charon poked his head into the kitchen. “Hades is burning for a rematch, Ronan. Dare you accept?”
    “You’re on.”

9
    Bonnie had horrible dreams. They weren’t like ordinary nightmares, neither vague nor surreal. More like an edited playback
     of her life, as if someone had