Free Tending Their SECRET by Crystal Perkins Page A

stick it out with me.”
    “I’m not going to lie to
you, because we don’t do that with each other. It is hard to have to watch
what you do, and remember not to touch someone. With me and Nate it
wasn’t long, because he understood that I saw him as more than a
body, and so he let me touch him. Aiden loves you, El. You’re way
more than a body to him, too, and he’s going to wait for you to be
ready.”
    “What if I’m not, though? What if I’ll never
be ready? I’m not as strong as Nate.”
    “Bullshit. The guys don’t call you ‘Brass’
for nothing. What happened to Nate was years before we met. I won’t
say that made it easier, but I guess it was. I don’t know. We don’t
talk about the why—I just know that he feels comfortable with me in
a way he never has with anyone else.”
    “I know Aiden will never hurt me. But what I
did…what I let those men do. I-I…”
    I can’t tell Jade the whole
truth. I’m too ashamed to even tell my best friend. She wouldn’t
judge me. I know she wouldn’t. But I still can’t force the words out. How am I
ever going to get better if I can’t tell her or Aiden what
happened?
    “It’s alright, El. I don’t need to
know.”
    “You want to know.”
    “Honestly, yes. But only so I can try and
help you. You’ll tell me when you’re ready, or you never will.”
    “Nate can tell you. I’ll talk to him, and he
can tell you. I-I can’t. The words won’t come out of my mouth, but
I want you to know.”
    “Only if you’re sure.”
    “I am.”
    “Are you going to have him tell Aiden,
too?”
    “No. I have to be the one to tell Aiden. I
don’t know how I’ll ever be able to, but it has to be me.”
    “I’m going to say this again—he loves you.
He’ll understand.”
    “I know.”
    I do know. Aiden won’t stop loving me,
but he may never look at me the same. Can I handle that? I don’t
know. But I do know that in order for us to have any type of
future, I need to tell him. Soon.
    “You two look pretty serious over here,”
Nate says, coming up to wrap his arms around Jade. I can tell that
Aiden wants to do the same to me, but he settles for resting his
hands on my hips and kissing my cheek.
    “We were talking about what a mess I
am.”
    “You’re not a mess, Doll.”
    “I am.”
    “Ellie,” Nate warns. “You know I don’t want
to hear you saying that shit.”
    “Even if it’s true? Because if I wasn’t a
mess, Aiden could’ve wrapped his arms around me the same way you
just did to Jade.”
    “I’m fine, El. I promise.”
    “You’re fine with having to stop yourself
from reaching for me? Or playing around with me?”
    “Yes.”
    “I’ve seen you, Aiden. I’ve seen you start
to reach for me. In tender moments, and when you’re just messing
around. Your face…it looks so pained when you realize that you
can’t touch me. Or you think you can’t, and don’t want to ask.
That’s not fine.”
    I’m nearly hysterical, and we all realize
it. “Take some deep breaths. Please. Just breathe, Doll. I’ll admit
it’s hard, okay? But I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. It
won’t always be this hard for either of us. Or if it is, then we’ll
just deal with it.”
    “I don’t want you to have
to ‘deal’ with me. I want you to hold me, and make love to me, and
fuck me like you used to. Like you want to. Like I want you to. But I
can’t let you do that. I can’t .”
    I turn and wrap my arms around him, pulling
him close. He just stands there for a moment, and I know he’s
trying to figure out where to put his hands. “Hold me. Please just
hold me,” I tell him.
    His arms immediately go around my shoulders,
pulling me even closer. He crosses his arms over my back and rubs
my shoulder blades as I sob into his chest. He kisses my hair and
whispers how much he loves me, over and over again. It’s only a
couple of minutes, but it feels like hours, when he moves back and
uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears.
    “Do you want me