Free The Ivy by Lauren Kunze, Rina Onur Page B

of the hall.
    “Oh mon dieu, girls ,” cried Mimi, waving a copy of Tatler as she slipped into the room. “Have you seen this article? ‘The Secret Heartache of an African Prince,’” she began. “‘Okechuwuku Zeyna, one of Nigeria’s brightest stars, was recently devastated by the news that longtime girlfriend—or so he thought—Sissy Seraphina had been married to Sexy Hansel frontman Hansel Eberhardt, in Berlin the previous weekend. Her new album, Two Princes , is set to drop this month. Sources say that Okechuwuku, a first-year at Harvard University, was overheard vowing to duel his usurper in a fight to the—’”
    “Mimi he’s—” Callie began.
    “Here,” Mimi finished as OK emerged from the bathroom.
    Vanessa giggled and tossed her hair. Turning toward Callie, she silently mouthed, “ Candidate! ”
    Project Fish Farm had begun.

Chapter Five
Big Fish
    “P ROCRASTINATION IS LIKE MASTURBATION: IT’S FUN FOR A WHILE, BUT IN THE END, YOU’RE ONLY SCREWING YOURSELF. ”
— ANONYMOUS
    https://www.BoredatHarvard.net//BoredatLamont
    User106608: Soo bored, and so freaking horny. Anyone up for
    a rendezvous in Pusey stacks?
    User231709: Gay or straight?
    User106608: Gay, obvi
    User231709: Meet outside fifth floor bathrooms in five minutes . . .
    User519410: Anyone have notes for LS1A today? Accidentally
    slept in.
    User726311: Sure, what’s your e-mail?
    User836708: Party at the Spee tonight! Hot sweaty Eurotrash,
    ++ass&cocaine
    User957309: You’re not even in the Spee, you stupid fag
    User725409: Just saw Lexi and Clint fighting on the steps
    AGAIN—anyone know what their status is?
    User836708: Not sure but he’s one sexy slice of man candy;
    praying he’ll do us all a favor and come out of the
    closet already . . .
    User892712: Ha-ha, fat chance.
    User462710: I hear she’s a bitch.
    User592807: Alexis Thorndike is the BEST dressed person on
    campus. Wouldn’t miss her weekly column for
    the world!
    User948711: Anyone see a copy of Tatler this week?
    User038711: Are you talking about the Sissy Seraphina thing? I think
    that guy lives in my dorm.
    User982611: I <3 Sexy Hansel!!! Hansel Eberhardt is HOTT!
    User746209: Gawker picked up the story too. First Danica
    Bennington and now this . . .
    User652412: Gawker search: Marine Aurélie Clément—you won’t
    be sorry.
    User836708: This is Marine speaking and I’m here to tell you to shut your silly American faces or I will bust out of
    rehab and steal cocaine from a stripper in Ibiza—again!!
    User528407: You people are pathetic. Don’t you have anything
    better to do than gossip shamelessly about other
    peoples’ lives?
    User652412: Don’t you have anything better to do, you fucking
    hypocrite?
    User746209: Hear, hear!
    S anders Theatre is a stately, cavernous arena located in the western wing of Memorial Hall. The stage in the middle of the main room is surrounded by a mahogany semicircle of balconies and pews, adorned on either side by statues of famous colonial Americans dating back to the early nineteenth century. Refracted light shines in muted, colorful hues from the stained glass window above the balcony, illuminating the Latin inscriptions engraved on the wall above the stage.
    This is the place where orators like Winston Churchill, Theodore Roosevelt, and Martin Luther King Jr. delivered speeches to change a nation; where some of the world’s most renowned musicians have traveled from afar to grace the stage; where eminent academic and literary figures have gathered to share their knowledge and insight with the younger generations.
    This is also the place where students in the later stages of adolescence go to gawk, flirt, sleep, whisper, twitter, poke, surf the web, and even—on occasion—to learn.
    Welcome to Justice with Professor Michael J. Sandel, the Anne T. and Robert M. Bass Professor of Government at Harvard University, Mondays and Wednesdays at one P.M. Section times TBA; open to Freshmen–Seniors.
    Callie wiggled