your life, to the dread and
spilled coffee that lies there in wait for you.
At the arrivals lounge in Schiphol he read his name on a
sign among a bouquet of cards held by steely eyed chauffeurs
dressed in black. He was unexpectedly thrilled by the sight
of it in crude black marker on the jagged corrugated piece
of cardboard, misspelled of course, an extra H dangling between
the O and N, but something of a thrill none the less,
the first time.
They drove through the ugly cement suburbs of Amsterdam,
massive estates spanning across the flatness. It didn’t
look like Holland, more like a squalid sector of South
London.
^Was this area bombed?’ he asked the driver. ‘During the
war?’
‘It was all bombed,’ the man replied.
Jon didn’t say anything back though he knew this wasn’t
true. He stretched his legs as far as the front seat allowed,
trying to work the kinks out of his blood, the clots and
convolutions brought about by being canned and compressed
on the plane. He reached for his cigarettes, flicked
one out, put it between his lips, sparked the lighter.
‘Out! Put it out!’ the driver shouted, turning to look at
him, the cab swerving wildly. ‘Now!’
Jon rolled down the window, threw it out. ‘I thought
everyone smoked here,’ he said, making up his mind not to
tip the man.
*You thought wrong. This is my cab. I make the rules.’
‘Fuck,’ Jon said, making sure the driver heard.
‘You don’t like it you can get out.’ He turned to look at
Jon again. ‘You tourists think you can do anything here,’ he
added before turning back and swerving the cab into the
right lane.
The rain stopped as they entered the city proper, passing
near the central railway station, pulsing and throbbing with
backpackers and tourists spilling out on to the streets, the
massive elegance of the building dwarfing the bright bustle.
They drove across a small bridge, over a postcard canal and
into a narrow cobbled street that seemed to hug them as
they passed, darkening the day with the alacrity of an eclipse. Jon could feel his heart quicken, filled with the rumble of excitement that comes on entering a new city, a new country,
that wild, swift transformation that shoots through your
blood and sits behind your eyeballs. Suddenly you notice
everything. The most banal of objects becomes a thing of
wonder, the kerbstone, the small telephone lines, the way
the roads are named, the shape and tone of the quotidian.
He stared out of the window and watched the unfamiliar
streets winding around the canals, the people, so unrecognizable
from those of London — everything new and compelling,
and the reason for his being here was almost forgotten as he
let the rush of the city take him over.
The driver stopped outside a pub. He pointed towards a
thick, painted oak door. He didn’t say anything.
Jon walked into what could have been anypub anywhere.
Dark brown walls and red carpets. A small jukebox and a
selection of tables. Bad white-boy blues playing. Smoke and
the smell of beer. Hunched men sitting in silence, staring
into their drinks. It didn’t feel like the right place and that
sudden burst of hope departed as quickly as it had come.
A tall, precise man with a small blond moustache and
curly mullet stood behind the bar, playing blackjack with a
woman balancing precariously on a stool across from him.
Neither looked up. Jon scanned the room. Everyone else
seemed to have melted into their tables, draped over them
like stone statues. He felt nervous and his palms began to
sweat as he took a deep breath and limped up to the bar. He
felt eyes turning to look at him but the more he tried to walk
normally, the more it hurt and the more exaggerated his
limp became. He’d never known it could be so hard to cross
a room.
He caught the man’s attention, tried to ignore the disconcerting
presence of the highlights in his hair and said, ‘My
name’s Reed, Jon Reed. I