Free Salvation and Secrets by L A Cotton Page A

something in me wanted to fix her.
    My eyes tracked her entering the building, and my body straightened off the random locker. Her hair flowed down her shoulders, framing her face. The khaki parka swamped her delicate frame, and her trademark skintight jeans were only just visible. Even though it was cold out, I didn’t doubt she wore the oversized coat as an attempt to hide. But the sound of her laugh caught me off guard. I watched as her mouth turned up into a smile and she looked up at the person standing next to her. My stomach dipped leaving me with a hollow feeling. I’d totally missed Paul standing next to her, but then everything else did pale into insignificance whenever I was around her.
    My eyes could only see Ana.
    All I could focus on was her relaxed expression as they joked about something, stopping outside a locker on the opposite wall. She looked happy. Lighter. After Friday night, I expected the worst. Expected to find her wallowing in class, unable to meet my eyes with her own. Part of me even wondered if she would show at all. But Ana happy? That was something I never imagined. I should have been relieved—pleased that she was okay—and that I hadn’t done too much more damage. But I was a selfish prick because all I could think about was the way she looked at Paul like he mattered, like she cared about him. While all the time wishing it was me. Needing it still to be me.
    And realizing that I really might have pushed her away for good.

Chapter 9

    ~ANA~
     
    "So Bowl-A-Rama tonight?"
    "Paul, I was joking. Besides, does Chastity Falls even have a Bowl-A-Rama?" I waited while Paul collected his books from the locker.
    "You mean my dream of seeing you in those sexy little clown shoes will never come true?" He clutched his heart, fake gasping for breath, and I laughed.
    I spent most of the weekend with Paul, Elena, and Tyson. After seeing Jackson again, it was just what I needed because I was too scared to be alone. Scared I wasn't strong enough to overcome the urges clawing at me from the inside.
    "I rock those shoes, but you'll never get it see it. You'll just have to suck it up." I playfully punched his arm, and we walked in comfortable silence to our classes.
    The more time I spent with Paul, the less awkward it was. It seemed weird to me, given that his crush was no secret. But true to his word, he had been nothing but a friend to me and had a great way of cheering me up. I enjoyed being around him, enjoyed the person I was around him. Even if she was nothing more than a phony.
    "This is me, Parry. See you at lunch?" Paul grinned down at me, holding up his hand for a high five.
    "Dude, this isn't high school," I mocked, shaking my head at his goofiness. "I might be late. Save me a seat?"
    He saluted and I continued down the hallway. Every step was like wading further into quicksand. And by the time I reached the door for Peterson's class, I didn't know if I could do it. I might have decided to try to rise above Jackson and his messed-up life, but I couldn't just switch off my feelings—not for all the trying in the world.
    The door was open and I forced myself through it, keeping my eyes planted firmly on the floor. If I avoided looking at him, then I could pretend like he wasn't there. Of course, my eyes flickered to his seat all of their own accord, and a sigh of relief escaped my lips when I realized he wasn’t there. At least I could get myself situated without being aware of him.
    Peterson started the class and there was still no Jackson. I tried to switch off my concern, but it ran deep, refusing to subside. He’d warned me that I was in danger, so it only made sense that he probably was, too. What if something had happened to him? What if something was happening to him right now? I gripped the edge of the desk, panic surging through me. But the class around me started moving out of their seats as Peterson reiterated the instructions for today’s class. I stood on shaky legs, scanning the