Free The First Assistant by Clare Naylor, Mimi Hare Page B

realizing my mistake. “So how old are your children?”
    “I don’t have children,” Jessica said warily, as if she’d suddenly diagnosed my illness and had decided that it might be contagious.
    “Oh, I see.” I smiled.
    “How’s the charity work going?” Lara chimed in casually.
    “Charity?” Jessica finally dragged her uncomprehending eyes off me and turned her focus on Lara. “Great, really well in fact. I’m going to have a lunch for land mine victims at Ivy on the Shore next month. You have to come.”
    “I’d love to.” Lara nodded and as Jessica went on about the popcorn shrimp she was going to serve, Lara winked at me. She had my back, thank God. Well, how was I to know that even the women without children didn’t have jobs? I thought the days of the housewife had gone out with the ark. Especially if you didn’t have a husband. Clearly I had a lot to learn about the Malibu divorcée.
    As Lara valiantly received the details of the first miracle diet of the evening, I slid off to check out LovelyLab. There was an entire table in the corner covered with little white bottles and potions and shiny packets. And there was a woman standing behind the table looking very professional.
    “Hello, madam, would you like to sample LovelyLab?” She smiled. “Sure,” I said as she handed me a small bottle. I squirted a bit on the
    back of my hand and sniffed.
    “We’re not very big on fragrance in our line, madam,” she told me. “We believe ladies should smell as nature intended.”
    “Great.” I nodded and picked up a packet of wipes. “And these?” “These are for use after a long day in the office. Before that special
    date.”
    “Okay.” I stared at the label. There was a small triangle-shaped logo. “I love your range,” I said to Nathalie as she came up beside me
    clutching her glass of water.
    “I’m so glad,” she said. “I really think there’s such a gap in the mar-ket. Don’t you?” But before I could answer she had moved on. “I’m go-ing to make my speech now.”
    “Good luck,” I said, and stood back a few paces as she took the stage. “Okay, listen up, girls.” Nathalie was suddenly addressing what must have been at least a hundred of her closest friends and the occasional imposter, like myself. I saw Katherine Watson at the back, looking riveted. “Tonight is the launch of my new range of products.”
    “Go, Nathalie!” one of the other cheerleaders chirped from the back. “LovelyLab is my pride and joy.” She smiled. I tried to move out of the way but couldn’t get by without making a commotion and stepping on the goody bags that littered the floor beside me. Shit. I wanted to exit stage left but was trapped. “I’ve been working on it for the last year and I can honestly say that no purse is complete without my beautiful pink crocodile wallet of LovelyLab products.” There was the pop pop of flashbulbs at the back as the reporters and photographers from InStyle got to work. I secretly pouted and hung my head demurely so that I
    wouldn’t ruin the photos entirely.
    “I want one!” Another trusty friend of Nathalie’s piped up at the back. “Well, Daphne, you can have one.” Nathalie smiled. “As you know,
    LovelyLab is for the intimate part of your anatomy, that gateway to heaven, your very own cutebox.” I heard a cough and looked up.
    It was Lara who was on the verge of turning puce with surprise. “Ladies, we love our labia and we want to keep them as soft and pampered and sweet-smelling as possible. But soap and water won’t do. . . .” I suddenly tuned in and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I blushed to the roots of my hair as I thought about a roomful of women who possessed “cuteboxes.” I looked at Lara who was at the back and practically bent over double trying to stifle her giggles. Oh shit, I had to get out of here.
    “If we don’t love our lovely labs then we can’t really expect anyone else to, now, can we?”
    I picked my