Free Yolo by Lauren Myracle Page A

you’re still asleep.
zoegirl:
Angela, you probably are too.
zoegirl:
but . . .
zoegirl:
Doug broke up with me. he didn’t come to visit me; he came to break up with me face-to-face.
zoegirl:
God, I never in my life thought I wld be typing these words.
zoegirl:
I wish I could hit “undo.”
    Sun, Oct 6 , 11:00 AM E . D . T .
SnowAngel:
Zoe, wtf?
SnowAngel:
when? just now? do you want me to drive to Ohio and be with you??? I wld if I cld, you know!
zoegirl:
I’m numb. I’m a ghost. my skin is such an ugly color.
SnowAngel:
Zoe. no. you are not a ghost, and yr skin is beautiful. ALL of you is beautiful. don’t you dare talk yrself into thinking this happened cuz something’s wrong with you.
zoegirl:
he said he wants the full college experience. that he wants to experience new things. he said he didn’t mean for his feelings toward me to change, but that they did.
SnowAngel:
my heart is breaking for you. I am SOOOOOO sorry!
zoegirl:
I can’t think straight.
zoegirl:
this *is* really happening, right? I’m not dreaming?
SnowAngel:
shit, it’s not that Canyon girl, is it?
zoegirl:
he claims they’re just friends. I don’t know.
zoegirl:
want to hear the worst part?
zoegirl:
well, all of it is the worst part, but at the end of his speech, he said, “so, uh, ok. I guess I’m going to take off.”
SnowAngel:
when? this morning?
zoegirl:
um . . . not exactly
SnowAngel:
then when, exactly?
zoegirl:
on Friday night, right after he got here.
SnowAngel:
AND YOU’RE JUST NOW TELLING ME?
SnowAngel:
Zoe! wtf?!!!
zoegirl:
I was a mess, and I didn’t want him to go, so I grabbed his hands and said, “it’s late. just stay, please? you can drive back tomorrow.”
SnowAngel:
okaaaay. and . . . ?
zoegirl:
he didn’t want to, but I forced him to by being needy. and then he didn’t want to sleep in my bed—he said he’d take the floor—but I was needy all over again until finally he gave in.
SnowAngel:
uh-oh
zoegirl:
yeah. so there we were in my bed, and our bodies were so close, and . . . things happened. except that’s me not telling the whole truth, because I *made* them happen, just like when I visited him at Oberlin.
SnowAngel:
you made bad sex happen again? WHY?
zoegirl:
Angela! are you really asking that when you already know I feel like complete and utter shit?
SnowAngel:
sorry, sorry. bad phrasing!!!
SnowAngel:
let me try again. did Doug STOP things from happening? the “why look, here we are about to have sex again” things?
zoegirl:
no. but right before he came inside me, he whispered, “just so you know, this isn’t going to change anything.”
SnowAngel:
oh, Zoe.
SnowAngel:
and Doug! what a fucker!
zoegirl:
so that’s who I am, the girl who sleeps with her ex-boyfriend one last time even though she knows it’s not going to change anything.
SnowAngel:
Zoe, that is NOT who you are
zoegirl:
well, um, it is. go me!
SnowAngel:
where are you now? are you in yr dorm room? I know yr not going to want to, but you need to be with other ppl right now. can you call your friend Holly?
zoegirl:
I just want to be alone.
SnowAngel:
and hold on. I’m confused.
SnowAngel:
today’s Sunday. Doug broke up with you on Friday. Did he leave on Saturday?
zoegirl:
bright and early, yep
SnowAngel:
and you kept all this to yourself until now???
zoegirl:
I didn’t feel like talking. or moving. or thinking. I still don’t.
zoegirl:
will you tell Maddie for me? I don’t want to do the walk of shame twice.
SnowAngel:
of course, but there is NO WALK OF SHAME.
SnowAngel:
I’m sending all my love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Sun, Oct 6 , 7:28 PM P . D . T .
mad maddie:
hey, you.
SnowAngel:
hey. poor Zo, huh?
mad maddie:
I called her after you and I talked, but I got her voicemail. tried her again, got her voicemail again.
SnowAngel:
same here.
SnowAngel:
her latest tweet says, “gone off the