Free Amish Confidential by Lebanon" Levi Stoltzfus Page B

she’ll wear that dress to be buried in. The Amish groom and his two attendants will wear black suits, white shirts, black-brimmed hats, black high-topped boots and, in a break from every other day, when no neckwear is allowed, black bow ties. There are no wedding rings, no flowers and no veils.
    Amish weddings are considered hugely festive occasions. Nothing for the Amish is more joyous than seeing two of their own joined in wedlock. It’s the culmination of every parent’s dream from the time the children are born. Before the wedding, both the bride andgroom will join the church and be baptized. That alone is cause for a sigh of parental relief. A marriage is a promise to continue the faith, and everyone hopes that the happy couple will soon be starting their own very large Amish family together. Those things all call for major celebration.
    People often ask me if the Amish have arranged marriages. I laugh and say, “I hope someone arranges a good one for me.” The truth is, Amish parents don’t actually choose who their children marry, but they do have a voice. A minister won’t agree to preside over the ceremony if all four parents don’t approve of the union. And the Amish aren’t above a little pre-wedding mediating. My father tells me that as a deacon, he often has to smooth the way before a wedding can take place. The boy’s family thinks the girl’s family isn’t devout enough. The girl’s family worries the boy won’t be stern enough to raise righteous children. It could be anything.
    The plans are kept quiet until two weeks before the big day. No sparkling rocks on the bride-to-be’s third finger. No save-the-date cards. No pre-engagement parties. Only then, when everyone’s agreed and both families have given their blessing, are the couple’s plans “published” and the congregation is officially informed. But even before that, it’s hard to keep things totally secret. Some little signs can hint beforehand that a wedding might be in the works. Watch for the celery. As soon as a girl tells her parents she is planning to marry, they will plant an extra patch of celery near the house. Celery is considered lucky for an Amish couple. Lots of it will be served on the wedding day. So a sighting of feathery celery leaves can always get the local women buzzing.
    You won’t find Amish parents touring local wedding halls. And the young couple won’t be planning an island destination wedding.How would they even get there? Most weddings are held at the bride’s family’s home. But with such large families, the guest lists are rarely short. Two hundred to three hundred of their closest friends and relatives will likely attend, as many as the house can hold and then some. Those who come from far away will hire a van and driver. No church member wants to be seen driving a car up to an Amish wedding.
    The day starts with a long church service held right there at home, complete with many hymns and a long sermon. The Amish are used to that. The wedding ceremony, which is fairly simple, follows immediately. The ceremony begins with the minister counseling the bride and groom, making sure they understand that Amish marriage is permanent. The couple is then asked to make their vows. As you might expect, the Amish aren’t too big on writing their own.
    I wouldn’t call the vows especially romantic. The minister’s questions are designed more to have the couple restate their religious faith, with a little caring thrown in. “Can you both confess and believe that God has ordained marriage to be a union between one man and one wife, and do you also have the confidence that you are approaching marriage in accordance with the way you have been taught?”
    And “Do you also have confidence, brother, that the Lord has provided this, our sister, as a marriage partner for you?” And “Do you promise your husband that if he should in bodily weakness, sickness or any similar circumstances need your help, that you will