Free The Merit Birds by Kelley Powell Page B

guy? What did he say?” Cam looked bewildered.
    â€œI’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” she said, and turned to hail a tuk-tuk . As her heart rate began to slow down, she watched Cam’s confused face fade into the distance. The shaky auto rickshaw trundled along, taking her home to be alone with her humiliation. She looked down into her lap and watched the pattern of wet spots her tears made on her sin .
    By the time the tuk-tuk wobbled to a stop in front of her house, her tears had turned into anger. Did that ugly Frenchman see her? Really see her? Did he see that she was a person, just like him? Could he know that she graduated at the top of her class? That she was supporting herself and her brother at the age of sixteen? Her dignity was invisible to him because of her poverty, because her English wasn’t perfect, because she was a girl, and because of her brown skin. To him, she was just another thing to buy and use. All he knew about was the money in his pocket and the selfishness in his heart.
    She bit on her bottom lip as she counted out kip to pay the rickshaw driver. The ride had cost all of the money she had made that day. She wondered why her karma had made this experience necessary. What was she meant to learn? She looked up and saw Seng walking down their laneway with a worried look on his face. They never took tuk-tuks .
    â€œNok?”
    He held his hands open at his sides, questioning and offering his support to her at the same time.
    â€œI have a headache, I’m going inside,” she said, not meeting his eyes.
    He shifted. “I’ll get started on dinner, nong sao .”
    She could tell by his tone that he understood something beyond a headache was going on.
    She went into their one-room home and curled into a fetal position on the sleeping mat. When Seng called her for dinner she pretended she was asleep. Telling him what had happened would only multiply her shame.

Anger
    Cam
    I walked home from the insect restaurant and sat on the front porch, a heavy kind of sadness settling onto me. I didn’t even want to play ball when Somchai came by.
    â€œYou seem like a creature from outer space,” he said.
    â€œMaybe I am,” I said. “After all, Canada is on the other side of the world.” I looked down at my dirty basketball shoes.
    I didn’t sleep that night. I kept replaying the scene with the drunk guy in my head to see if there was something I missed that would explain things to me. The next morning I skipped school and went to the massage house instead.
    My heart beat faster as Nok came to the entrance and held the door open for me.
    â€œDon’t tell me another dog has watered you.” Her unique choice of English words made her comment even cuter, but her face looked heavy and drawn.
    â€œNope, just interested in another hour of satisfaction under the hands of Miss Nok.”
    She seemed to bristle.
    â€œYou mean you’d like a massage?” she asked.
    The hot season sun was not the reason for my red face. What else did she think I meant?
    â€œOf course, I meant a massage. What else?” I asked, trying to sound understanding instead of irritated.
    â€œMaybe Nana can massage you today,” she said.
    Okay, now I was irritated.
    â€œWhat? Why? Have people been bugging you about being seen with me? Was it that drunk guy last night?”
    She shook her head and ran to the staff room upstairs.
    â€œWhat the hell, Nok? What’s going on?” I yelled up the stairs after her. I could feel the anger rising. Maybe she’d had a thing with the drunk guy. Why else was she keeping things from me? She was usually so honest. Nana looked up from her work at the front reception desk and eyed me curiously.
    Come on, get it together. Breathe.
    I followed Nok upstairs and into the staff room, even though it was for employees only.
    â€œNok?”
    She turned to look at me. Tears flowed like rivers down her