Free Precious Thing by Colette McBeth Page A

wanted to shake the image out of it. Jonny and Clara. Clara and Jonny. Without me. Why? What was he doing there? Everything was changing. All the things I thought I could hold on to were being snatched away. I didn’t know what I would be left with. I wanted to curl up in a ball and silence the screams inside my head.
    ‘Why would they have been together, Rachel?’ DCI Gunn asked. There was a harshness to his question. Surely my face told him everything he needed to know.
    How the fuck should I know?
    I said nothing.
    ‘Do you have any idea, Rachel, what Jonny was doing there? Were you supposed to be meeting him too?’ He leant forward, across the desk, to force me to look at him. His hot spittle landed on my cheek.
    ‘Jonny was staying in Gatwick. He had an early flight the next morning.’
    ‘When was the last time you spoke to him?’
    It was an obvious question. I bristled, knowing how he would react to my answer.
    ‘I haven’t.’
    ‘You haven’t spoken to Jonny since he was out with Clara?’ The sound of your name in the same sentence as Jonny’s stung me. You and Jonny. Jonny and you. DCI Gunn looked flushed; his upper lip beaded with perspiration. He licked his lips, like he’d smelt blood, ready to swoop down for the kill.
    ‘He’s a documentary-maker. He was filming in Afghanistan. It’s not unusual for me not to hear from him for days, sometimes a whole week when he’s away filming.’
    ‘But you would have expected him to call you?’
    ‘No, I wouldn’t have expected him to call me. I’ve just told you, he’s away filming. In Afghanistan. Sometimes it’s impossible to get a phone line out.’
    He leant back in his chair and folded his arms. I imagined he was planning his next line of attack. I wanted to wake up from this dark dream and find myself back living my old life, the one I inhabited before you disappeared. I tried to find my voice, a calm, even voice to defend myself.
    ‘Look, Roger,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what’s happening any more. I’m scared shitless, to tell you the truth. Yesterday I found out my best friend had gone missing and today you show me a picture of her and my boyfriend together on the night she disappeared. I have no idea why they were together; he should have been at Gatwick. But I’m certain of one thing – however it looks, you’ve got it wrong. Jonny wouldn’t betray me and he wouldn’t hurt anyone. Least of all Clara. He is protective of her because she’s my friend and he knows we go back a long way.’ I watched him pursing his lips and stroking his chin. I thought I might have got through to him. He looked up and nodded as if he had taken my words on board.
    ‘Were they having an affair?’ he asked.
    ‘Jesus, no! Did you hear anything I said?’
    ‘I have to ask these questions, Rachel. The fact that we know each other doesn’t change anything. We need to find Jonny because as it stands he was the last person to see Clara. I don’t have to tell you the implications of that.’
    ‘Well, when you find them tell them you’re not the only person who wants some answers.’ I smiled, half forced a laugh to try to make light of the situation. But even as I said it I knew it hit the wrong note.
    ‘I hope it works out that way,’ he said but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. He stood up and walked round from his desk so he was next to me, reaching out to shake my hand. His palm was cold and damp like putty. I could feel the grip of his hand crunching mine. ‘I’ll be in touch,’ he said as he showed me to the door.
    Outside the police station I slumped down next to the railings. The wind screamed up from the sea. I lifted my face to it in the hope it would wake me from my stupor. Why, Why, Why? Why was he with you, Clara? Why hadn’t you met me? Anger coursed through me, tingling as it ran up my spine and down my arms to the tips of my fingers. The idea of Jonny betraying me with you was so alien it had no place inside my head. I would never