Free The Secrets of Harry Bright by Joseph Wambaugh Page A

g t o remember the penal-code section for bribing a public officer. He nearly caused two collisions as cars mashed on their brakes to avoid killing a uniformed cop.
    Ned Grogan was caught on the wrong side of the six-lane intersection with the light timed to accommodate the Disneyland flow. The cop jumped into the patrol unit planning to spin a U-ee and shoot through the traffic, except that the second he pulled out into the lane his patrol unit was clipped by a tourist from Duluth, giving him a whiplash that put him off duty for a week. Ned Grogan managed to drag himself out of the wrecked patrol unit and saw to his horror that a huge crowd had gathered a block north and he could guess why. He picked up the radio and asked for help.
    When Wingnut caught the taxi, the driver was startled. Marvin Waterhouse was very startled.
    Wingnut came puffing up and jerked open the door. "We don't do this!" he panted. "If I thought you had criminal intent I'd book you!"
    "What's wrong with you, kid?" Marvin Waterhouse was astonished. "Take it! I want you to buy a drink after work!"
    "I'm not taking your money, mister," Wingnut cried. "Well, I don't want it. Give it to a cop charity!" Marvin Waterhouse said stubbornly.
    "You take it!"
    "I ain't taking it!" Marvin Waterhouse said.
    Wingnut tried to shove the crumpled twenty into Marvin Waterhouse's shirt pocket, but the drunk, on his own turf more or less, got belligerent. "Keep your hands off me!" he bellowed. "I ain't taking nothing.
    By the time the first police car arrived at the scene, Marvin Waterhouse and Wingnut Bates were rolling around in the gutter in an all-out donnybrook. A crowd of about sixty people was watching, among them a couple of tanked-up ironworkers who didn't like seeing a young cop beating on some middle-aged guy with tattoos. The hard hats started mouthing off and one thing led to another.
    When it was over, Marvin Waterhouse and the two ironworkers went to jail for battery on a police officer. Th e m iserable taxi driver lost a day's pay sitting at the police station dictating statements. Wingnut Bates's patrol car had to be towed to the garage and Ned Grogan had to be towed to the hospital for X rays and a neck brace.
    The last thing Ned Grogan said as he was being hauled away by paramedics was "Tell Wingnut it was a real honor to witness such a display of law-enforcement integrity. I'm so proud. And tell the little jug-eared fuck, he better be ready to draw soon as I'm on my feet cause when I see him he's gonna have about as much chance as a Bonwit Teller in Bangladesh."
    The incident with Marvin Waterhouse made the vice sergeant notice Wingnut Bates. He noticed that Wingnut looked as coplike as Alfalfa in The Little Rascals. Therefore he'd make an excellent undercover operator during the height of the tourist season when they were getting complaints of hugger-mugger whores rolling the out-of-towners, a bad thing in a town that boasted Disneyland.
    When he asked Wingnut Bates if he'd like a temporary vice assignment the rookie jumped at it, especially since Ned Grogan would be coming back to duty soon and Wingnut was feeling as secure as a U-2 flight over Kamchatka, or the U . S . Football League.
    Wingnut thought he was going to like being a vice cop, but they started playing tricks on him right away as vice cops are wont to do. For his first assignment he was told by a pair of older cops that he was going to operate a notorious call girl who posed as an outcall masseuse. She advertised in underground newspapers in a classified ad that said: "If you want me, call the number in this ad and tell me what you want and how much it means to you. Be specific, darling."
    The reason for the admonition to be specific was that the girl didn't want any calls from vice cops, and like all hookers she was better acquainted with case law on entrapment than most Orange County lawyers. Any cop who phoned got a recorded message repeating the admonition and asking for a call-back