Free Living with Jackie Chan by Jo Knowles Page A

coming!”
    “OK,” I say. “Just — try not to overdo it.”
    “How the hell can you overdo Christmas?”
    “I don’t know. But if anyone could, I’m pretty sure it would be you.”
    “I’m going to take that as a compliment,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest.
    Stella grabs my hand, and my heart flips just like it always does when she smiles at me.
    “C’mon, Scrooge,” she says. “Let’s go.”
    When I turn back to say good-bye to Larry, he winks at me and wiggles his eyebrows again.
    Give it up,
I mouth.
    Never,
he mouths back.
    “I know what you’re getting for Christsmas,” Stella singsongs again as we walk down the street to catch the bus.
    “So you said,” I say. “What is it?”
    “Like I’d tell.”
    I realize we’re walking in sync, just like we move in karate. We’re about the same height, but I’m much heavier. Still, it’s weird to know someone’s moves so well. To have the same ones. She looks up at me as if she just realized the same thing and pauses midstep, so we go out of sync. But as we walk along, we keep falling back in step together, and every time we do, we grin at each other. I can’t remember the last time I felt like this. Relaxed. Happy. But even as I think it, I start to feel a weight bearing down on me again, and we fall out of step for real.
    On the bus, we sit next to each other and watch the city go by. The bus is crowded with neighborhood people heading out to do their shopping, too. A little kid in front of us sings “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” and his dad smiles at him like he’s the cutest thing on earth. They hold hands tight. The boy won’t sit in his dad’s lap. He wants to hold on to the bar and stand like some of the other people. His body sways and he almost falls every time the bus driver hits the brakes or the gas. Each time this happens, the kid bursts out giggling. I wonder if he will ever know how lucky he is to have a dad to hold hands with like that. And then I start to wonder if my baby has a dad like that now. And then my throat starts to ache.
    “Makes me miss Benny,” Stella says.
    For a brief moment, I wish I could tell her who he makes me miss. But I can’t.
    “You babysit for him every weekend,” I say. “How could you miss him?”
    She shrugs. “I just do.”
    We watch and don’t watch the kid until we get to the mall stop and step out into the cold with everyone else.
    “So, where to?” I ask.
    “No idea. Let’s just walk.”
    When I follow her inside the mall entrance, we’re accosted by holiday music, fake trees, and the nauseating smell of scented candles. Stella pauses and turns in a circle, taking it all in.
    “Don’t you just love the holidays?” she asks.
    Um.
    “Oh, look! Newbury Comics! I love that place. Let’s go there first.”
    Stella picks up every single gag gift and shakes it in my face. “You should get this for Larry!” She holds up an Einstein bobblehead. Its head shakes all over the place. “I’m so smart. Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am,” she says as fast as his head nods.
    I laugh.
    “Oh, my God!” she yells.
    A bunch of people look over at us.
    “What?”
    “You just laughed!”
    I stop smiling. “And?”
    “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh. I must have magical powers.”
    I know this can’t be true. I mean, the laughing part. “Funny,” I say.
    She elbows me. “Sorry. I’m just not used to seeing you look, you know, happy.”
    “Way to harsh my mellow,” I say. Because honestly? She really did. Who wants to hear how depressing they are?
    “Harsh your mellow? Wow. Larry is really rubbing off on you.” She reaches up and pinches my cheek. “You should laugh more often,” she says. “It’s good for you.”
    “Now who sounds like Larry?”
    She shrugs.
    But she’s right. For the first time, I feel like maybe it’s OK to feel happy once in a while. It’s been so long, I feel like I almost forgot how.
    We end up leaving the store without buying