Free Harmonic Feedback by Tara Kelly Page A

taking?”
    “When I can get her to take it, twenty milligrams,” Mom said.
    “How do you feel when you take it, Drea?”
    “Like a zombie.”
    “Right when it kicks in, or is that something you feel later?”
    “It gets worse later,” I said.
    “She gets more irritable at night—after it wears off,” Mom chimed in. “But it really helps during the day. She’s less impulsive and calmer.”
    “And I lose weight since it kills my appetite.” I motioned to my body. “And let’s face it, there isn’t much to lose.”
    “Can you hop on the scale for me?”
    I rolled my eyes and prepared myself for the inevitable questions—how did I feel about my body? Have I ever thrown up on purpose? Blah blah blah. Every doctor had to rule out eating disorders.
    I stepped on the scale, and she peered over my shoulder, scribbling 100.5 in her little notebook.
    “Well, I wouldn’t want to see you lose any more weight. Go ahead and step off.”
    At least this doctor kept her comments to a minimum.
    I plopped back into the yellow rocking chair and gazed out the window. Naomi was out there somewhere—probably having a great time. Who knew what Justin and Kari were doing. Probably kissing or more. I wondered what it would be like to kiss Justin. Ew, no. Scratch that thought.
    “We’ve got a couple of options,” the doctor said. “Some of my patients take the XR form in the morning and then an immediate-release tablet about eight hours later. It keeps them from crashing in the late afternoon.”
    “That won’t keep her up all night?” Mom asked.
    “It shouldn’t. The IR is much shorter acting. Lasts an average of four hours. There is also an ADHD drug that isn’t a stimulant—it may not suppress her appetite as much,” the doctor rambled on. “I also think an SSRI would help, especially with some of the irritability and anxiety.”
    “I’ve been on antidepressants. I hate them,” I said.
    She glanced down at the papers and nodded. “How do they make you feel?”
    “Like shit.”
    Mom put her face in her hands and shook her head. “I’m so sorry.”
    “It’s quite all right. It’s not easy trying out all these different meds, but sometimes it takes a while to find a combo that works.” She went on to suggest the SNRIs, a newer form of antidepressants, because they tend to have milder side effects. “They increase your levels of norepinephrine as well as serotonin. That seems more effective in some people.”
    “What if none of them work?” I asked.
    “Well, there’s no magical cure out there. We’re simply looking for a combo that benefits you most and causes the fewest side effects. A bigger part of the equation is how much you’re willing to do for yourself, Drea.”
    I wondered if she’d ever tried multiple combinations of drugs.
    “I’m starving,” Mom announced as the three of us got back into her green Toyota.
    “It’s only three thirty, Juliana.” Grandma was still grouchy because they had nothing but
People
magazine in the waiting room.
    Mom rolled down the window and backed the car out. “So? We need to drop off Drea’s prescriptions, and there’s a pharmacy right near a café someone recommended to me last night. Figured we’d go try it out.”
    “One of your square-faced dates?” The computer had replaced Mom’s late-night trips to bars.
    “Don’t start, Drea. He seems really sweet.”
    “Of course he does. They all start off that way.”
    “Who?” Grandma asked.
    “Mom’s computer boyfriends.”
    “Drea.” Mom squinted at me in the mirror.
    “Computer boyfriends? Don’t you ever watch the news? A young woman was just found murdered near the border. And do you know who the prime suspect is?” Grandma poked Mom’s arm. The five- and six-o’clock news were her religion.
    “I can’t imagine.” Mom shook her head.
    “A man she met on her computer. And do you know what else they’re saying? People can get your social security number, your bank account