Free The Stranger Within by Kathryn Croft Page A

scurrying around in the kitchen when they thought I was asleep. “I, um…” I trail off when I see James’ expression. This is harder for him than it is for me. He is stuck in the middle.
                  “I’ll talk to them again, tell them we won’t tolerate any more nonsense. We’ve got to keep trying, haven’t we?”
                  Hearing this, something inside me snaps. “I am trying, James. Every day I try to make this work, try to be a mother to them. It’s impossible! Whenever I ask them to do anything, they either ignore me or try to argue. But that’s not the worst of it. They lie and play nasty tricks, they just want me out!” I am too angry to hold back, to keep James from hearing the truth I’ve tried to protect him from, so I tell him everything. And when I get to the part about the overheard conversation, James’ face pales and his eyes drop to the floor.
                  The silence in the room is torture, until he eventually speaks. “Are you sure? I need you to be sure about this. There can’t be any doubt if I bring this up with them.”
    I nod, but am suddenly unsure of myself. What if I have got it all wrong? What if my mind is playing tricks and I only thought I heard Dillon admitting they planned the accident. Come to think of it, did I even hear him say that? Or have I just jumped to conclusions? I stare at James, already regretting that I’ve brought this up.
    “Right, I’ll speak to them as soon as they get back.” His frail voice betrays his shock.
                  “James, let’s think about this. Surely confronting them won’t help? We need to think about this carefully. Besides, they’ll just deny it, of course.”
    “Callie, I don’t understand. I’m trying to help but now you’re saying I shouldn’t? You’ve told me now so I can’t just pretend I don’t know. If they planned the accident…well… I won’t have that kind of appalling behaviour. Let me talk to them, okay?”
    “But don’t you realise that does no good? You’ve spoken to them already, several times, and they still make life impossible!” My voice gets louder, and even to my own ears I sound unreasonable.
                  James grabs my hand. “I told you, I’ll sort this and they will be punished. I’ve had enough, and this is the worst of it. I know they’ve been through hell but it’s no excuse. Lauren would…” He trails off.
                  And then, without thinking, I ask him the question I don’t want to know the answer to, don’t want him to think about. “But what if it never changes? What then?”
                  Our eyes meet and there is something different in the way he looks at me. I have opened a floodgate and will not be able to avoid what comes through it. I also realise something else: the boys have a permanent position in James’ life, whereas mine is not so secure.

 
    Chapter Nine
     
    Days pass and the house is shrouded in a frosty atmosphere. There is tension between James and the boys, and I feel responsible, even though James would never say so. He grounded them for a few days and took away their PlayStation but I should have kept my mouth shut, like I’d planned to, and sorted it out for myself, instead of making the situation worse. Things just aren’t right, and I am certain we both feel it.
                  Even sex between us has become strained. Both of us go through the motions with our bodies, but we are disconnected somehow. It’s as if we hope to fill a gap with an act that leaves us feeling even emptier afterwards. Perhaps we are both scared that if we leave it too long our desire will fade. And where would that leave us? But I am not without hope that this fog will lift. For all of us.
    I am stir-crazy today, full of energy I need to expend. The boys leave for school and for a few hours my time is my own. I’ve been working tirelessly on my new