Free Must Love Sandwiches by Janel Gradowski Page A

over her head. A bug brushed across the back of her hand. She shivered. Was the reaction because of the bug or the sleaziness of the rundown hotel? The door to the room swung open. Her mother rushed out, flapping her hands to shoo Emma back into the car. “No need to stick around and chat. I’m ready to get out of here,” she said as she opened the passenger side door.
    Emma collapsed back into the driver’s seat. Her mother was wearing a tight, red vinyl mini skirt and a black satin, low-cut halter top. She looked exactly like the type of woman that would frequent that hotel. The place probably charged by the hour. Emma gripped the steering wheel with both hands and said, “I was hoping to use the bathroom before I started driving again.”
    The rhinestones on her mother’s dangly earrings glinted as she shook her head. “Stop at the gas station up the road. I don’t want to stay here another second…and you really don’t want to use that bathroom.”
    What was the hurry? Emma pulled her door shut and started the engine. Hopefully the gas station had fresh coffee as well as a clean bathroom. If her mother thought the one in the hotel room was bad, it had to be disgusting. Household cleanliness wasn’t a priority for her. Emma exhaled as she pulled back onto the road. It was going to be a long time before she made it back to bed.
    After stopping at the surprisingly clean gas station for a bathroom break, she turned back onto the freeway. Her mother stared out the side window and chewed on her fingernails. It was a childish habit that Emma was happy not to have inherited. Of course, endlessly going from one man to another was more disgusting than ragged fingernails. What would she be like now if she had been raised by a normal mother who baked cookies and read classic novels at night?
    “I hope you’re doing better than I am in the man department.”
    The man department. Leave it to her mom to compare dating to shopping. Men were like disposable razors to her. At the first sign of dullness she tossed them away and picked up another one.
    “I’m not seeing anyone right now,” Emma said.
    No response. Just a rhythmic thumping as her mother tapped her foot on the floorboard. Emma swallowed. The sky was a chalky gray as the sun started to rise. She stared at the road ahead. It had been almost 24 hours since she had gotten any sleep. She gasped when her mother touched her shoulder and said, “Good for you. Maybe I didn’t screw you up as much as I thought.”
    “What are you talking about?”
    “I’ve never been able to live without a man in my life. It’s an addiction and, sometimes, I’m afraid it’s going to kill me. You’ve obviously already figured out how to live on your own, without a man to lean on.” She pulled her hand away. “I’m proud of you for being a strong, independent young woman.”
    The sign for a rest area appeared in the headlight beams. Emma tapped the brake pedal. She needed to stop. There was no way she could keep driving. She steered the car into a parking space and shut off the engine. She rested her forehead on the top of the steering wheel and asked, “If you know it’s bad to act like this, why do you continue to be such a slut?” She closed her eyes. What kind of daughter called her own mother a slut? “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
    “You don’t have to apologize for the truth.”
    She kept her forehead on the wheel and stared at the dark splotches materializing on her white sweatpants. She had forgotten to wash off her mascara. Now it was mixing with her tears, turning them into dark raindrops.
    Her mother exhaled loudly and then coughed. “Because I can’t stop searching, hoping I’ll find someone who will treat me like your daddy did. But I’ve never found him and I’m sure, at this point, I never will.”
    “What are you talking about? You’ve always told me you don’t know who my father is.”
    “I’ve lied.” She grabbed a handful of platinum