Free The Merchant of Menace by Jill Churchill Page B

something tugging her sleeve. "Mrs. Jeffry," Pet said, "I should go home soon.”
    Jane put her hand on Pet's thin little shoulder. "Yes, dear." She spotted Todd bounding up the stairs. "Todd, put on your coat and boots. Pet needs to be walked home."
    “Mom! It's just down the block a couple hous—"
    “Todd," Jane said in a low, menacing tone that made his eyes widen.
    “Oh… okay. Right away.”
    Jane left Mel to see the children off and watch for Todd's return while she went back to the kitchen to look for a phone book. She was quite serious about hiring someone to keep Lance away. She'd toss his television equipment out in the front yard so she couldn't be accused of stealing anything from him.
    She heard muffled sobbing and followed the sound to the little bathroom next to the kitchen. "Julie? Is that you? Come out here right now and let me beat you about the head," Jane said firmly.
    The door opened a crack and Julie peered out with one eye. "Oh, Jane—" she wailed, suddenly opening the door and flinging herself into Jane's arms. "I'm so, so sorry. He's so horrible. I had no idea. What can I do? How can I ever, ever make this up to you?"
    “By sitting down with the phone book right now and hiring a security firm to get over here right now and keep him from coming back into my house," Jane said, disentangling herself from Julie's embrace. "And
you're
paying for it."
    “Oh, yes. Of course. Thank you. I'll do that," Julie babbled between sniffles and hiccups.
    “There's a phone and phone book upstairs in my bedroom.”
    Julie hurried to do as she was told.
    Shelley came into the kitchen a second later. "Thank God you're here, Jane. I've been looking for you. I was afraid you were out looking for him with an Uzi."
    “None of my Uzis are oiled. Or primed. Whatever. I don't really know what an Uzi is, come to think of it. But right now I wouldn't mind acquiring one.”
    Mel entered the room as she was speaking. "Jane, that's not really funny.”
    “Mel,
none
of this is funny!”
    He knew when the river of affection was running at full flood the wrong way. "No, it's not. I'm sorry.”
    She sighed. It wasn't his fault. "Is Todd back?”
    Mel nodded. "Yes, all your chicks are home and safe in spite of all the traffic. The street looks like there's a parade going on with all the gawkers at the Johnsons' house.”
    She smiled weakly. "And I guess everybody else has left, huh? Think of the leftovers we'll have. I hadn't even put the desserts out yet."
    “No," Mel said. "You've still got a mob out there."
    “You're kidding!" Jane edged around him and looked into the living room. He was right. "Why don't they go home while the getting's good?”
    Shelley spoke up. "Some of them still think it's a joke. The rest are ghouls. By the way, that woman who lives next door to Suzie asked me what agency you used to hire the Johnsons. She thought they were actors pretending to be hillbillies.”
    Suddenly Jane's accumulated tension dropped away. She started laughing. There was an edge of hysteria to it. "No, Shelley, don't get that look," she said between giggles. "And don't get any ideas about slapping me to my senses. I'm okay. It's just that—”
    She went off again.
    Billy Joe swaggered in from the living room, bumping a bowl of pretzels off an occasional table with his oversized snowman butt. "Wondered where's you got to, Jane. Oops, sorry." He tried to lean over to pick up the pretzels, but with the fat costume, he couldn't reach the floor.
    Jane rushed over and pulled him back upright. "Never mind, I'll just sweep them under the table for now."
    “What are you laughing about?" he said. "Nothing at all. I'm just happy you're here. That's all.”
    Billy Joe looked pleased and deeply embarrassed. "Shucks," he mumbled.
    An hour later, Jane was nearly back to normal. Ginger had forced the cameraman and the rest of the crew and equipment outdoors. The crew had left the electrical cords plugged into an outside socket and gone off