Free Slow Burn by K. Bromberg Page B

was my forever, Haddie. You know that. My everything … I—I can’t even imagine anyone else.” He looks down for a minute before meeting my eyes again with absolute clarity. “No one will ever be able to fill this hole in my heart. Ever.”
    Maddie’s footsteps shuffle on the floor behind me. Danny’s face and posture transform immediately, a facade of normalcy for his daughter, but the smile on his lips never reaches his eyes.
    And as he holds her tight—pulling her into his chest as if he’s afraid he’s going to lose her too—my
no strings
affirmation is solidified.
    I turn around to face the wall of pictures, unable to contain the anger burgeoning inside of me. Mad at Lex, mad at me, mad at fricking everyone.
    My mind wanders to the inconclusive BRCA test result sitting on my counter at home and about how the DNA test’s lack of an answer—whether I’m carrying or not carrying the breast cancer gene—is more unsettling than settling. I need to make an appointment for a blood redraw—but the unknown is oddly more comforting than the known to me.
    Fuck this. Fuck Lex for leaving me. Just fuck everything.
    I suck in a breath and try to calm myself down, get a grip, and rein it all in. But it’s so incredibly hard. And when I turnaround and see Maddie standing there, bouncing up and down on her toes, my anger dissipates because I know I can’t control the why or the when, but I can most definitely control the here and now.
    “You ready to go have some fun, pretty girl?”
    “Yes!” she says, and then pecks Danny on the cheek one more time before bounding out the door.
    “Have fun,” he says with a tight smile.
    “Always,” I say softly. “Hearts and heels.” I nod at him and then turn to go buckle Maddie in the car.
    We head off on our once-a-week adventure, singing silly songs and chatting on the way to the movie theater, and I can’t help but glance in the rearview mirror at her more often than not.
    I think of everything I need to tell her about her mommy. I remember sisterly secrets that no one knows to this day, but how I can’t wait to tell her when the time’s right or when she’s old enough. I worry whether I’ll be able to make her mom come to life enough with my words, with experiences, with laughter and love so that she feels her like I do. Like she’s still here. I then realize of course I will. I have no choice.
    I’m all she has now.

Chapter 8
    I look down at the picture on my iPad and laugh. Maddie has texted me a picture of Danny with barrettes and clips in his hair. At least our time together today left her in a good mood. And with a smile.
    My own widens as I think of what a resilient little girl she is and the fun we had this afternoon. And I try to take the little bits of peace I found spending time with her and apply it toward fulfilling another promise I made to Lex. Making the company we were going to start together become a reality.
    And not only a reality, but the best damn promotional company out there.
    I’m running through details in my mind as I unbuckle my seat belt. I need my phone like I need to breathe right now. It has everything in it—my to-dos, names of the VIPs to commit to memory, the schedule of events—everything. And I need
everything
to make sure I pull off this first of three events for a huge potential client without any glitches.
    I blow out a breath in exasperation, check the clock again to make sure time’s not standing still as I sit here waiting in the parking lot where Becks’s text indicated to meet him. But who am I kidding? It’s not that I’m pissed at thetiming but more unsure what it’s going to be like between us. Awkward? Normal?
    It’s a bitch when you can’t see the strings, but they’re still tying you up in their invisible web. But the bigger question is, what is wrong with me? Why do I care so much?
    I’m trying to ignore the questions that are whirling in my mind on an endless reel when I look up just in time to see