Free The Fantasy by Ella Frank Page B

You know, with the job, this account—everything, really. Many wouldn’t have given me a chance, and I would’ve deserved it. So...I appreciate it.”
    She regarded him thoughtfully, her head tilted to the side. “Everyone makes mistakes, Evan. It’s how you deal with the aftermath that counts.”
    Pretty sure she wouldn’t agree with any of my methods.
    Rubbing his jaw, he said, “I don’t think I’ve been doing a very good job of dealing with anything lately.” He looked up at her with haunted eyes, his voice dropping down to barely a whisper. “I just don’t know how...” he trailed off, losing his nerve.
    “You don’t know how to what?” she prompted.
    He focused on her and decided that maybe it was time to open up to someone. “To stop. I just don’t know how to stop.”
    “I’m curious,” she said before taking a sip of her water. “You have a healthy...appetite, that much is clear, but so do a lot of people.”
    “Yourself included.”
    Her lips lifted in a half smile, and she nodded. “Myself included. So what’s the tipping point?”
    “The tipping point?”
    “Yeah. What makes it get out of control?”
    “I don’t think you wanna know.”
    She gave him a look that made it pretty clear what she thought of that, but in case he’d missed it, she told him. “I’m a big girl, Evan. I can handle it.”
    He knew what she was asking for, but he wasn’t sure she could handle that. How could anyone understand what he did when he thought no one was watching?  
    She waited, an expectant look on her face, and he felt his defenses slowly crumbling. Shifting in his seat so he was leaning in close across the table, he lowered his voice and locked eyes with her, not giving her any chance to escape the intensity he knew was in his own.
    “Have you ever wanted something so much you’d do anything to get it?”
    “Of course.”
    “What if that meant giving up every good thing in your life for it? For a high that lasts only minutes before you’re chasing it again. When you’re down to the last few dollars in your bank account and you’d rather call a sex hotline instead of eat because your hand just isn’t getting you off, and the thought of going another minute without coming is what you think would kill you. When your first thought after finally landing a new job isn’t that you can pay your bills, but that you can finally afford the high-class hooker with the tightest cunt in Manhattan to fuck you instead? That’s the line. That’s the difference.”
    Reagan’s eyes had widened throughout his speech, and as she sat there staring at him with her mouth slightly parted, he wondered what the fuck she was thinking.
    “Hey,” he told her and reclined back with a shrug, trying to appear indifferent. “You asked.”
    Several seconds passed before she nodded and managed to pull herself together enough to ask, “Have you ever tried to stop?”
    He put his napkin on the table, and returned her stare, refusing to feel any more humiliation than he already did. “And how would you suggest I do that?”
    “Have you ever talked to someone?”
    “Of course.”
    “And obviously abstinence doesn’t work.”
    “Obviously.”
    Her lips curved into a cheeky smile as she suggested, “This may sound crazy, but what about monogamy?”
    At that suggestion, he blew out a breath. “The last woman I dated said she wished I’d fall in the Kaptai Lake and have my dick eaten off by a swarm of hungry piranhas. So, no, it didn’t end well.”
    “Where the hell is Kaptai Lake?”  
    “Exactly. I had to look it up. Remind me never to go to Bangladesh.”
    “Well, shit.”
    He let out a humorless laugh and watched her tap her manicured nail against her lip.  
    “Well, look. You have the job. Just don’t fuck it up, okay? Pun intended.”
    “I’m trying not to. But keep in mind, I’ve been promising my family the same thing for years now, and if I can’t seem to get it right for them…” He trailed