Free A Tiny Bit Marvellous by Dawn French Page B

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    Some of them want to be abused.’
    He wondered whether we thought it sounded at all familiar? Just a bit, we agreed. He then pointed out that, even as an exercise in plagiarism it was pretty shabby. She had only bothered to change the words ‘am I’ to ‘are we’ in the second line. I’m guessing that she will have probably been distracted by Cash in the Attic on the telly and not really bothered.
    Husband and I had a large drink in the pub afterwards and couldn’t help laughing all the way home. Oh Dora. How we love you in all your splendid naivety.
    Oscar’s Parents’ Evening at St Thomas’s couldn’t have been more different. He has had a few detentions, mainly for abusing the school uniform rules, or being a bit too precocious and cocky in his handling of some of the lesser-experienced teachers. His choices are spot-on though; he always successfully identifies the tossers as wankers. We had to agree on that. His judgement is sharp and accurate. He can sniff out anyone disingenuous or pretentious. He confounds them really. He is a true eccentric and as such he is unique, so the system doesn’t have a comfortable place for him. They would love to be rid of him really, he is a bit of an eyesore, an embarrassment, but they can cope with that, because he’s clever. He is on target for all A stars and he is their champion chess boy, public-speaking hero and quiz king. They can’t afford to lose him. Their stats wouldn’t look so good. So he is forgiven everything, whilst Dora is forgiven nothing. Repulsive.
    A Tiny Bit Marvellous
    TWENTY-FOUR
    Dora
    Oh my actual like holy God. What a totally amazing day. Just goes to show you shouldn’t judge a book by its title, because I could never EVER of believed that Nana Pamela was so like, amazingly amazing. I was only supposed to be going over there to drop off Poo. She’s being spayed tomorrow and Nana Pamela lives nearest the vet so she’s taking her in. Mum wouldn’t have been able to deal with it really, she gets so stressy about anything to do with the dog.
    What is spaying anyway? I think it’s taking out her eggs or something so she can’t get pregnant. Hope she gets one of those huge cones they put on dogs’ heads to stop them licking the stitches. She had one of those when her leg broke, it was mega hilarious. Kept banging into furniture and you could creep up on her from behind and scare her to death. Sooo funny.
    I wish she wasn’t getting it done though. It would be like sooo sweet if she had puppies, I would like sooo love it. With their tiny tiny teeth and tiny tiny hot tongues licking your face. I’m sure we could find homes for them. All of my friends would want one, especially if they could be, like really small, and fit in your handbag or something? Poo is quite small, border terriers are, but she would have to like mate with a boy chiwoowoo or something to make the puppies really tiny. Has a dog ever mated with a cat? That would be, like sooo sweet.
    The dad dog would have to be white or something though because Poo is brown and if the dad was black or brown and small as well, the babies would be like really small and brown. So Poo would give birth to a lot of tiny poos. Be better if the dad was white or something, then the puppies would look more like dogs. I love it when the dog like so goes with the handbag? Like if the bag is pinky glittery and the dog coat and collar is too. It’s sooo great. I know it’s like totally plastic to want a mini-dog but that’s the only plastics’ thing I’m jealous of. Just that. The tiny dog thing.
    Anyway, when I was at Nana Pamela’s she made some hot chocolate and asked me all about Sam and stuff? It was good because although Mum and Dad know what happened, they haven’t really talked to me much about it. Think Mum just reckons it was some kind of like teenage thing or something like it didn’t really matter but it like so did because he was the longest boyfriend I’ve ever had and as well,