Free Second Helpings by Megan McCafferty Page A
Authors: Megan McCafferty
there.
OH MY GOD! Doesnt Felicity go there? she yelped again.
Felicity who?
Duuuuhhh, said Bridget and Ashleigh in unison. Felicity from Felicity .
The TV show Felicity , I said, not really getting it.
I think she goes to a made-up school Ashleighs voice trailed off, only to come back three hundred decibels louder than before. YES! she screamed. Its just like Felicity because youre following your high-school crush to college just like she followed her high-school crush, only in your case its really pathetic because your crush is a homo.
I shot Bridget a look.
Well, Ash, like, asked me if you had boyfriend and I told her no, but then I told her about
Never mind, I said, cutting her off. I turned to Ashleigh. For the record, I am not trying to emulate the heroine of a WB dramedy. I dont watch those kinds of shows.
Whatever you say, Ashleigh said in a singsongy tone that just made me want to clock her in that broccoli schnozz of hers.
I. Dont. Watch. Those. Shows.
Whatever.
Ive learned from years of experience with the Clueless Crew that its futile to have a constructive argument with people I hate. So I walked out of the room for the very last time, which sounds more dramatic than it really is because at the time there were only six days left in the program, anyway.
So youre probably wondering what Macs letter says, right? You assumed I steamed it open and read it. Oh, ye of little faith. I didnt and wontopen it. And it has little to do with respecting Macs wishes. The truth is, Id rather not know what Mac said about me. I really cant handle reading other peoples assessments of my intelligence. Like the quarterly accommodations from my teachers. They always say that they hope I learned as much from them as they did from me. Stuff like that. Excruciating. They go so overboard that I cant believe one word of it. Its hard to buy into all that crap when I know the chaos thats really going on inside my head.
eleventh
Ive spent my last days in Macs class developing a strategy for breaking it to my parents that my final answer to the Question is one that they dont want to hear. The four-step approach to solving my college conundrum is calledThe Perfection, Deception, Acception, Defection Plan. I will share my PDAD plan in the hopes that it will help others, who, like me, are unjustifiably stuck under the fat thumbs of parental totalitarianism.
HHHH1.Phase 1: Perfection
I will act like the daughter my parents have always wanted. By smiling a lot in their presence and offering up enough information about my life that they think Im telling them everything, when Im really sharing nothing of any genuine importance, they will believe that they have raised a happy, healthy, well-adjusted teen who has gotten over her growing pains and no longer needs parental policing of all her activities.
This gives them permission to back off and leave me the hell alone so I can begin Phase 2.
HHHH2. Phase 2: Deception
Meanwhile, I will complete as much of the Columbia application process as possible without my parents knowledge. Ive got Macs recommendation and can recycle the one Haviland wrote to get me into SPECIAL. All my parents financial stuff can be easily accessed on the computer, so I can even take care of that part, too. Applying on-line makes this easyno paper trail!
HHHH3. Phase 3: Acception
This is the part when I get accepted to Columbia. If I dont get accepted, I am screwed.
HHHH4. Phase 4: Defection
By the time Im forced to inform my parents of my college plans, they will be so awed by my Perfection (see Phase 1) that even they will consider it unreasonable to bar me from the first-choice university that I have earned the right to attend.
Im still working out the kinks. Phase 1 is particularly troublesome. Perfection is much easier to strive for in theory than in practice. Within five minutes of my parents arrival on
OH MY GOD! Doesnt Felicity go there? she yelped again.
Felicity who?
Duuuuhhh, said Bridget and Ashleigh in unison. Felicity from Felicity .
The TV show Felicity , I said, not really getting it.
I think she goes to a made-up school Ashleighs voice trailed off, only to come back three hundred decibels louder than before. YES! she screamed. Its just like Felicity because youre following your high-school crush to college just like she followed her high-school crush, only in your case its really pathetic because your crush is a homo.
I shot Bridget a look.
Well, Ash, like, asked me if you had boyfriend and I told her no, but then I told her about
Never mind, I said, cutting her off. I turned to Ashleigh. For the record, I am not trying to emulate the heroine of a WB dramedy. I dont watch those kinds of shows.
Whatever you say, Ashleigh said in a singsongy tone that just made me want to clock her in that broccoli schnozz of hers.
I. Dont. Watch. Those. Shows.
Whatever.
Ive learned from years of experience with the Clueless Crew that its futile to have a constructive argument with people I hate. So I walked out of the room for the very last time, which sounds more dramatic than it really is because at the time there were only six days left in the program, anyway.
So youre probably wondering what Macs letter says, right? You assumed I steamed it open and read it. Oh, ye of little faith. I didnt and wontopen it. And it has little to do with respecting Macs wishes. The truth is, Id rather not know what Mac said about me. I really cant handle reading other peoples assessments of my intelligence. Like the quarterly accommodations from my teachers. They always say that they hope I learned as much from them as they did from me. Stuff like that. Excruciating. They go so overboard that I cant believe one word of it. Its hard to buy into all that crap when I know the chaos thats really going on inside my head.
eleventh
Ive spent my last days in Macs class developing a strategy for breaking it to my parents that my final answer to the Question is one that they dont want to hear. The four-step approach to solving my college conundrum is calledThe Perfection, Deception, Acception, Defection Plan. I will share my PDAD plan in the hopes that it will help others, who, like me, are unjustifiably stuck under the fat thumbs of parental totalitarianism.
HHHH1.Phase 1: Perfection
I will act like the daughter my parents have always wanted. By smiling a lot in their presence and offering up enough information about my life that they think Im telling them everything, when Im really sharing nothing of any genuine importance, they will believe that they have raised a happy, healthy, well-adjusted teen who has gotten over her growing pains and no longer needs parental policing of all her activities.
This gives them permission to back off and leave me the hell alone so I can begin Phase 2.
HHHH2. Phase 2: Deception
Meanwhile, I will complete as much of the Columbia application process as possible without my parents knowledge. Ive got Macs recommendation and can recycle the one Haviland wrote to get me into SPECIAL. All my parents financial stuff can be easily accessed on the computer, so I can even take care of that part, too. Applying on-line makes this easyno paper trail!
HHHH3. Phase 3: Acception
This is the part when I get accepted to Columbia. If I dont get accepted, I am screwed.
HHHH4. Phase 4: Defection
By the time Im forced to inform my parents of my college plans, they will be so awed by my Perfection (see Phase 1) that even they will consider it unreasonable to bar me from the first-choice university that I have earned the right to attend.
Im still working out the kinks. Phase 1 is particularly troublesome. Perfection is much easier to strive for in theory than in practice. Within five minutes of my parents arrival on
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