you back here, inside the walls. Everyoneâs talking about his upcoming promotion.â
My stomach felt hollow. Starkâs words in the elevator returned, his promise that he would never let me forget what happened that day. He mustâve known how I felt about Caleb. He had seen how concerned I was on that ride in the Jeep, could hear the panic in my voice as I begged him to stitch up Calebâs leg. It all became sickeningly clear: As the Kingâs daughter, I could never be executed in the City. But Caleb could.
âYou have it wrong. Caleb didnât kill anyone. I wouldnât have survived if it wasnât for him.â I tried to look her in the face, but she turned away. She stood in front of the sink and twisted on the faucet, waiting until the water was hot and steaming.
âBut thatâs what everyoneâs saying,â she repeated. âTheyâre searching for the boy in the wild. Thereâs a warrant out for him.â
âYou donât understand,â I managed. âTheyâre all lying. You donât know what the King has done out there. Heâs evilââ
Beatriceâs eyes widened. When she finally spoke her voice was so low I could barely hear it over the running water. âYou didnât mean that,â she whispered. âYou cannot say such things about the King.â
I pointed to the window, the land stretched out for hundreds of miles. âMy closest friends are imprisoned right now in those Schools. They are being used like farm animals, like they never imagined or hoped for anything different.â
I let the photograph fall to the floor and put my head in my hands. I heard Beatrice shuffling around the bedroom, opening and closing drawers. The tap was still running. Then she was beside me, tugging the sour, sweat-soaked shirt from my body, helping me step out of the muddy pants. She set a hot, soapy cloth on the back of my neck and ran it over my shoulders, working the dirt off my skin.
âMaybe you misunderstood or misheard,â she said matter-of-factly. âItâs a choice the girls have at the Schoolsâitâs always a choice. The ones who are part of the birthing initiative volunteered.â
âThey didnât,â I said, shaking my head. âThey didnât. We didnât â¦â I bit my bottom lip. I wanted to hate her, this foolish woman, who was telling me about my School, my friends, my life. I wanted to take hold of her arm and squeeze, until she listened. She had to listenâwhy wouldnât she just listen? But she worked the washcloth over my back, gently lifting up the thin straps of my tank top. She wiped the dirt from my legs and out from between my toes and rubbed at the mud behind my knees. She did it with such care. After so many months on the run, of sleeping in the cold basements of abandoned houses, her tenderness was almost too much to bear.
âThey hunted us,â I went on, letting my body relax just a little. âThe troops hunted me and Caleb. They stabbed him. And my friend Arden was dragged back to that School. She was screaming.â I paused, waiting for her to argue, but she was kneeling beside me, the washcloth hovering over the gash on my arm.
She turned over my hands, staring at the bluish-red line around my wrist where the restraints had been. The cloth slipped over the mark, working at the raw skin, the blood now a thin, purple crust. âWe shouldnât be talking about the troops this way,â she said slowly, less assured. âI canât.â She looked up at me, her eyes pleading with me to stop. Finally, she turned away and picked up a nightgown sheâd laid out on the bed.
I took the ruffled dress from her hand and slung it over my head. I wanted to cry, to let my body heave with sobs, but I was too exhausted. There was nothing in me left. âHe canât be my father,â I mumbled, not caring if she was listening.