Free Beyond Shame by Kit Rocha Page A

you?"
    "Yeah." Noelle had expected it at Dallas's party. She'd wanted it, after he'd made her come. But he hadn't let her open his pants, not even to try Lex's tricks on him. And he'd left her after their shopping excursion with nothing more than a kiss. "I don't know, maybe he feels sorry for me because I almost passed out at his feet."
    "Mm-hmm." Rachel held up another bottle. "Whiskey, our most popular. Never water it unless they ask you to—Dallas's orders."
    "All right." She consigned that bit of information to memory and wondered what she'd have to forget to keep it there. "How do you remember all the recipes? Practice?"
    "Mostly." Rachel set down the bottle and leaned her hip against the bar. "A good trick? If you don't know how to make something, tilt your head, smile, maybe laugh a little, and admit it. Huge tips."
    "Really?" Noelle started to tilt her head and then caught herself. She'd seen Jasper's eyes narrow with tight hunger when she tilted her head and confessed ignorance about some sexual matter. "Oh. The men like us to be a little clueless, don't they?"
    "They all like to be the first to plow some virgin soil, that's for sure." Rachel brushed her short blonde hair out of her eyes and stuck a cigarette between her lips.
    Noelle's worry that Jasper was taking pity on her vanished, replaced with the gnawing fear that he'd only find her interesting while she was mostly innocent.
    So what? There were other men. She could be like Lex, free to touch whatever man she wanted. Or she could be like Rachel and earn her keep working the bar. "You weren't at the party last night. Do you not go to them?"
    "Sometimes. I usually sit out the action, though. Have a drink and watch the show."
    Noelle felt her cheeks warm. "You don't agree with Lex about having fun with the men?"
    Rachel laughed. "Lex is Lex, though most of the women around here enjoy it too. I don't know—it's enough for me to know that I could, if that makes sense."
    Why couldn't that be enough for her? Probably for the same reason she was here in the first place. Some twisted, broken need inside her that pushed her to risk everything. "Are you waiting for the right person?"
    The woman chuckled and picked up the shot she'd poured. "Yeah, maybe I am."
    Noelle gestured to it. "Can I try that?"
    "Sure." Rachel handed it over.
    It burned going down and brought tears to her eyes. Noelle wheezed out a breath and wondered if her throat was actually dissolving. "Okay, the alcohol I was arrested for drinking? Most definitely watered down." Her idea of drunk was probably as inadequate as her idea of orgasm .
    The quiet amusement was back on Rachel's face, sparkling in her eyes. "Stick around. This place is like that—intense."
    "Does it ever stop feeling...?" Noelle shook her head and set down the glass. "Feeling. That's it. I feel so much right now, I don't know what to do."
    That sobered the blonde, who straightened with a faint frown. "Why would you ever want to stop feeling?"
    "No, I don't want to," she said quickly. "But intense is the right word. It's so intense, all the time, and I don't know if this is what life is, or if there's something wrong with me."
    "Give it time," Rachel advised. "You'll figure it out soon enough."
    As if it mattered either way. The Broken Circle held a seductive promise, with its dark corners and smoky scent. Sometimes she thought she was a little high just from being here, like she could close her eyes and float.
    Or she could open them and make choices, the first of her pampered, silly life. "Will you show me how to make that other drink again?"
    "Anything you want to see." Rachel began to gather the ingredients. "You going to the fights tonight? I was thinking about it, but I have a side job to get on. Maybe later?"
    Fights. Violence was almost as taboo as sex in Eden. "Jasper mentioned that, but why are they fighting? Did something happen?"
    "Yeah, they're breathing." The blonde rolled her eyes. "Why don't they fight? To settle