have done months ago.
Me: Not tonight but we can meet at the school in the morning to set up our rooms. We can talk then.
Walker: 8am. No later.
Another honk from behind prevents me from texting him back. I drop my phone into the passenger seat and finish the short drive home.
That night nerves consume me. I realize tomorrow is "make it or break it" time. Not knowing if Walker will accept the fact that I am having his child has my stomach in knots. I hope he can at least agree to be there for the baby. I want nothing else from him. As much as I would have loved to be married and in love with my child’s father, that might not happen. I just don’t think I could ever trust another man so easily. Robert ruined that for me, made me gun shy, and I still hate him for it.
A ccording to my reflection I look like crap. My half assed make up job does nothing for my bloodshot eyes or the dark circles beneath them. The three restless hours of sleep seem like zero and I would give my left leg for a cup of coffee...or three.
Noelle never came home last night and she wasn’t answering my texts. Normally her long hours don’t bother me but I needed to talk all this through with her. Get some clarity. So, I did the next best thing; I called my mom. After giving her all the details of the day’s events she went silent. I thought maybe the line cut out. It’s happened before in the middle of my rants and then all the sudden it’s ringing right next to my ear.
She finally spoke but with so much excitement that I had to try and calm her down. She said this was my chance and was spouting out her “everything happens for a reason” boloney. When I reiterated that he looked angry after my confession she toned it down a bit, got her head on straight, and started to think clearly and give some better advice. Her attempts to calm me down were working until she said something that completely freaked me out.
“It is your responsibility to give him the option to be there for his child. It’s his choice whether he wants to be,” she said, just before hanging up, providing the reason for my insomnia.
So, I tossed and turned and waited for Noelle to get home and maybe put my mind at ease. I never texted why I wanted to talk to her so she didn’t know how dire the situation was. She finally replied at midnight saying she was out “with a friend.” Which means she was getting some action...I was more jealous than disappointed. I had a steady boyfriend for so long that the most we had gone without making love was a week, maybe ten days. Then I got a taste of Walker, leaving me desperate for MONTHS without it. I’m going to have to buy a new vibrator soon.
I throw some concealer over the bags under my eyes and settle for the zombie look. I want to have the upper hand and be prepared for when Walker arrives so I leave at 7:30.
When I finally get to my classroom I am far from ready. My hearts stops when I find him sitting at my desk leaning back with his hands casually behind his head, eyes closed, leaving me the opportunity to shamelessly check him out. His hair is disheveled and looks like it did after our one intense night. The day old stubble has my hormones running wild and I can't help thinking of how it would feel on the soft skin of my thighs. His biceps strain against the short sleeves of his white polo shirt. Both legs are up on my desk covered in dark distressed jeans with tan construction boots. My eyes make their way back up and embarrassingly meet his now open ones.
“Erin, Erin, Erin.” He places a palm over his heart. “I’m starting to feel like a piece of meat.”
I throw my bag down on one of the desks in the back row, crossing my arms over my chest. “You’re ego is huge, Walker. MASSIVE in fact.”
As soon as those words come out of my mouth I blush, knowing he could turn that around. His eyebrow raises, he stands up and walks down the center isle towards me.
“There is a lot about me that is massive. You