Free Punish the Sinners by John Saul Page B

tìie Monsignor asked him suddenly. “The first day of school, I mean?”
    Balsam shrugged. “As well as can be expected, I suppose.” Then he grinned. “I mean, I’m still alive, and nobody even shot a spitball at me.”
    Monsignor Vernon smiled icily. “They wouldn’t,” he said shortly. “We leave that sort of thing to the public schools.”
    Balsam nodded somberly, a sudden image of Sister Elizabeth flashing into his mind. With her around, he imagined, discipline problems were kept to a minimum at St Francis Xavier’s.
    “I suppose I should get to the point,” the priest said, shifting in his chair. So I was right, Balsam thought This was a command performance. He waited quietly for the Monsignor to begin,
    “I had a chat with Sister Elizabeth this afternoon,” the priest began. “She seemed a little upset about you. She thinks you have what she called a ‘cavalier attitude.’ “
    Balsam smiled at the term, but when he saw that the priest was not smiling, his expression quickly sobered.
    “And you agree with her?” he asked carefully.
    ‘I’m not certain,” the priest said pensively. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you this evening. I’ve been thinking about the talk we had the other day, aboutyour thesis. It occurred to me that I’m still not sure where you stand.”
    “Where I stand?” Balsam repeated, trying to fathom the Monsignor’s meaning.
    “I suppose this will sound strange to you,” Vernon said, trying to smile, with very little success. “But I must know exactly where you stand with reference to the teachings of the Church.”
    “Well, I haven’t left it,” Balsam said.
    “No, you haven’t, have you?” Monsignor said speculatively. “But then, there are various ways of leaving the Church, aren’t there? And it seems to me that your thesis was certainly a step, however tentative, in that direction.”
    He paused then, as if waiting for a response from Balsam. When none was forthcoming he continued. “Well,” he said abruptly, “there’s no point in beating around the bush. We’re here to determine whether you do, or whether you do not, accept the Doctrines of the Church. Since you seem to be particularly well versed in at least one of them, we might as well begin with that one.”
    Balsam’s first instinct was to simply stand up, walk from the room, proceed down the hill, pack his things, and catch the first train out of Neilsville. Then he thought about it, and decided that there was no point in evasion. If the issue was so important to the priest, he would face it.
    ‘Fine,” he said at last. “Where do you want to begin?”
    “I thought I just made that clear,” the Monsignor said. “Do you accept the Church’s Doctrine that suicide is a mortal and irredeemable sin?”
    “I thought I told you the other day that I don’t think I’m qualified to make any judgments at all about that.”
    “Are you qualified to have faith?” the priest countered.
    “I don’t think it’s a question of faith,” Balsam replied quietly.
    “Then let me put it in purely intellectual terms,” Monsignor Vernon said. Unexpectedly, he stood and took Balsam’s glass. “More?” he asked. Surprised, Balsam nodded. The priest refilled the glasses, handed one to Peter, and regained his chair.
    “There are reasons why we have the Doctrines, you know,” he said, and Peter could tell from his tone that he was about to receive a lecture. He nodded anyway, on the off chance that it might cut the lecture short. It didn’t.
    “The Doctrine against suicide exists for many rear sons,” the priest said. “Most important, of course, suicide is in obvious conflict with natural law, since it involves the destruction of natural order.” Balsam was tempted to bring up the phenomenon of lemmings hurling themselves periodically into the sea. He decided against it. The Monsignor would merely say there could be no comparison between human self-destruction and subhuman self-destruction.