Free Searching for Someday by Jennifer Probst Page A

shaking.
    Trent nodded. “I got so uncomfortable and crazed that my barriers seemed to break down, and all of a sudden I didn’t care if anyone saw my chest. I was freed. I ripped it off, and I realized it was never important.”
    Arilyn smiled. “What a wonderful realization. That is exactly what I wanted you to feel in this session. You’re definitely ready for the next step, right, Kate?”
    Kate nodded. “I’ll begin setting up some dates we spoke about.”
    “Does anyone want to say something to Trent about his experience?”
    Meat turned to him. “Good job,” he said in his low, rich rumble.
    Everyone looked at Slade. He shifted slightly. “Umm, you have a good chest, dude. Be proud of it.”
    Trent beamed.
    “And Meat? Your turn.”
    Meat rested his hands on his knees, deep in thought. “Everyone thinks I’m a mean person because I got these muscles and I’m black. That type of prejudice hurts me because I’m judged before I open my mouth. But during that balance pose, I realized I can only present who I am. Some people will judge, some won’t, but I need to be happy with me.”
    Slade’s mouth fell open.
    Trent grinned and pounded him on the shoulder. Arilyn and Kate practically exuded kindness and love within the circle. “I’m amazed at your insights, Meat, from just one yoga session. We’re all beautiful and struggle with others’ opinions and concepts. You have a true yogi lying within.”
    Meat wiped at his eyes. “Thank you.”
    Slade watched in horror as four gazes were trained on him. “Slade?” Arilyn prodded gently. “Anything to share?”
    Panic hit. Kate cocked her head, but a shred of cynicism gleamed in those baby blues. She didn’t think he’d do it. She assumed he’d chicken out, rant and rave about the ridiculousness of the session, and stalk out. Anticipation hung heavy in the air, as ripe as the body odor of the men next to him.
    He cleared his throat and searched madly for something to top them. Something deep and sensitive and mind-boggling. Something to wipe out Kate’s doubts and confirm he was open to this whole nutty experiment. He was an attorney, for God’s sake. “I felt a lot.”
    Silence. “Like what?” Arilyn asked gently.
    He scratched his head and pushed back damp strands of hair. “I learned that being alone and pushing people away is a mistake.”
    Kate lifted a brow. Arilyn sighed. “Please don’t say something that sounds good but isn’t true. There is no judgment in the circle. No right or wrong. What did you actually feel during the session?”
    Frustration beat in waves and simmered in his gut. They didn’t believe him? Why didn’t they question Meat or Trent’s heartfelt stories? That’s it, he was so done.
    The words tumbled out of his mouth in very un-lawyerlike fashion. “Fine. I felt pissed-off, hot, sweaty, and miserable. I couldn’t do half the poses I should, and I hated every minute.”
    “Better. What else?” Arilyn probed.
    He let out a breath. “Ah, hell, I got nothing for you. The only thing I noticed was at the end of the session my head was empty. I’m always thinking or planning or hear this noise, and for the first time, it was quiet. Almost peaceful. But it was only a flash and then it was gone. That’s it.”
    He tried not to sulk, which was so beneath him, but suddenly everyone smiled and nodded and Meat clapped him on the back.
    “Nice work,” Arilyn said. “That’s what I wanted. You see, as a lawyer you’re used to controlling aspects of a situation and expectations of a certain outcome. It’s a part of your daily life. By ripping away that control, stripping you down just for a while, your mind surrendered and let barriers down. That flash you got was important. It was your true self dying to get out.”
    Her words crashed over him. He had little time to process, because everyone did a group om—at least he was right about that—and then it was over. Slade chugged the rest of his water, dragged a