Free Worth the Fight (Accidentally on Purpose) by LD Davis Page B

about it. I had forgotten how sexy I used to think it was when she pulled that lip between her teeth.
    Slow down, I told myself. I had to remember that my intentions were to get help in my office while opening a casual dialogue within our home, not to rekindle any kind of flame.
    “I’ll do it,” Emmy said finally.
    “Thank you so much,” I breathed. I realized I sounded like I was gushing a little bit. “I know you will be a big, big help.”
    “I hope so,” she said quietly.
    “You will be. I know it. Hey, at least this gets you out of the house for a little while. Maybe this will be good for you. You haven't been yourself.” That was the understatement of the century. This woman that has been slinking around my apartment all of these months was someone else entirely.
    “I haven't been myself in two years,” she said softly, still refusing to meet my eyes.
    I took a deep breath. In order to move forward we were going to have to acknowledge some faults – from both of us. I didn’t want the conversation to get too deep after so much non-communicating, but I couldn’t walk away from her words, especially since they made my chest ache a little bit.
    “Look, I know I haven't made things any easier,” I said. “I guess I didn't realize how bad things are here until Lena brought it to my attention.”
    Finally her eyes met mine. I was shocked at how gratifying that was, but Emmy was looking at me for an explanation.
    “She said it was like a tomb in here, that unless we're talking to or about Lucas we don't talk at all. She said that even when we're at family functions, I barely acknowledge you.”
    I felt like the epic asshole I was for acknowledging it out loud. Lucas had been quiet throughout the conversation thus far, as if he had known that this needed to be done, but now he was babbling and vying for my attention. I gladly gave it to him, because I was honestly feeling a little nervous about what she was going to do with the information I gave her. Was she going to agree with my sister and put me in my place like the old Emmy would, or was she going to just quietly accept and forgive? I kind of wanted her to tell me I’ve been an asshole.
    “What else did Lena say?”
    I definitely had not intended to go down this road, but we were talking, and I started it, so I needed to answer her questions before she shut down again.
    “She said that she thinks you're depressed and that you think you deserve how I treat you, and that you're still beating yourself up. I guess I didn't stop to think about it before today, or I just looked the other way, but I suppose she's right, on all accounts. I argued with her at first, but she got really pushy, as only a big sister can do.”
    She didn’t answer, and that was like an answer in of itself. It was as if she was conceding to what I said, as if she was just too damn broken to care that we knew she was broken.
    I watched her for a moment as she began to clean up some of the mess she made in cooking. I should have backed off and focused on filling her in all she needed to know about the firm, but I couldn’t stop myself from pushing the current topic.
    “I'm really looking at you for the first time since the day I met Lucas. Em, you just seem...hollow. Like everything that makes you who you are is missing.”
    “Who am I really?” she asked, focusing on the pan she was washing in the sink. “The woman who steals another wo man's man? Am I the woman who cheats a good man out of everything he deserves? Or am I the woman who lets herself be used and abused? Maybe I'm the woman who keeps a child from his loving father. That's who I am, Luke. You're not missing anything great.”
    I did not expect to hear anything like this from her. I wasn’t sure exactly what I expected, but it wasn’t this self-depraving bullshit. She really was still beating herself up over what happened between us, but how could she not when I was cold and hostile to her every damn day? And did