Free See How She Awakens by Michelle Graves Page A

the flames to Kennan.
    “Kennan, I don’t know how to breathe without you. Your laughter will never again be heard, your smile never again seen. I won’t get to feel the brush of your skin against mine. Though I miss you more than my words can possibly speak, I am blessed. I would live a thousand lives for the chance to live those moments again with you. To see your face as I walked into the bar for the first time, to rediscover what you were to me all along, to know you loved me—I would do it all again to have one more moment. Aberto says you sacrificed yourself so I could live. I would have stayed with you in the void forever. Never to hear you again, to know that my future will never be yours—the pain is unbearable. I don’t know if I can go on, I don’t know if I want to go on.”  Sobs wracked my body, causing my words to come out in choked cries. 
    “Kennan O’Malley, you are the bravest man I will ever know. I never once deserved your love, but you loved me anyway. You made me want to be strong, to be the best possible version of myself that I could. I know I can’t stay like this, to live with this ache inside of me forever. I will never forget you, my heart will never heal from the loss of you. But I know I do your memory no honor by lingering on a future that can never be. You gave your life so that I might live. I will try.” 
    Falling to my knees, the heat warmed my tears as they slid down my face. My home was truly gone. I could never go back to him, to the way things had been. He was gone, and it was only now that I truly understood. Aberto had been right, I hadn’t accepted his death. Even now, I didn’t know how to move forward, to live a life without Kennan. I didn’t want to, and that made it all the harder. 
    “May I speak, Izzy?” Aberto’s voice came from behind me, pulling me out of my own head and back to the present.
    “Yes.” Unsure of what he may say about Kennan, I stilled to listen.
    “Kennan was the kind of Guardian we are all called to be. He was strong, loyal, and even now is called to the service of the heavens. His soul will be revered for millennia to come. The loss of him is felt profoundly, not just by his Seer, but by us all. The world was better for having him.” Aberto, the man of few words, had spared many for Kennan. Those words meant the world to me; I knew they had not come easily.
    “What now?” I asked, sitting back to pull my knees up to my chest.
    “Now we watch as the flames burn. We watch until their light is extinguished. Then you must move forward.”
    So we sat, watching as the pyre burned, and the wood collapsed unto itself. We watched as the flames burnt the massive logs into ashes, and as the embers slowly died. The day melted into night as we sat, watching the last of Kennan’s light burn out. When the last spark finally extinguished, I looked up to the sky, the sea of stars sparkling high overhead, and I could feel him. I knew he was out there, somewhere, watching me. It could be enough, knowing I wasn’t quite so alone. It had to be.
    “Ready?” Aberto asked, standing with his hand outstretched to help me up.
    “I don’t know if I will ever truly be ready, but I can’t stay like this forever.” I clasped his hand.

    As we made our way back to the shack in the middle of nowhere, I was surprised to realize the darkness had left me alone. 
    “Aberto, I haven’t felt the darkness for a long time now. I know it is still there, but it hasn’t been yammering in my head.”
    “Love,” Aberto muttered. 
    “What do you mean, Love?”
    “Remember when Uriel said love and sacrifice would be your salvation? Well, Kennan sacrificed himself so you might live. Love is what will allow you to do so.”
    “I don’t understand. How can love help me to live when the man I love is gone?”
    “When we walked down to the pyre today, what did you feel? What were the emotions most present?” Aberto’s question made me assess just how I’d