Free Suicide Note by Teresa Mummert Page B

pay you.” I spoke up as I squeezed Jenn’s hand.
    “You have paid enough for this country.” She waved her hand and stepped off the porch toward the barn. I grinned over at Jenn, who shook her head in disbelief.
    “You are such a liar!” she whispered as we walked across the yard to the old red barn. The only lie I had told was that Jenn was my girlfriend, but I didn’t want to talk about war or the fact that I would soon be ripped out of my life once again and thrown back into the harsh reality of Iraq.
    “This is going to be fun.”
    “If your idea of fun is a concussion!”
    “Trust me,” I replied as we stopped just outside of the barn.
    “You ever rode before?” the woman asked, her eyes dancing between us.
    “When I was younger.” I ran my hand over my hair, remembering falling off a miniature pony and having to get three stitches.
    “I haven’t. Horses kind of scare me.” She worried her lip as she glanced to me.
    “So do I, but you’re still here,” I joked as the woman opened the barn door and led us inside. We watched as the owner pulled the saddles from the waist-high wooden wall and began preparing the horses to ride.
    “Why aren’t you spending time with your parents for your birthday?”
    “You know how parents are.” She sighed as she petted a horse on the nose, who stuck his head out of the stall.
    “I don’t, actually.” I reached out and stroked the diamond pattern of fur between the horse’s eyes. I could feel Jenn’s eyes on me and when I glanced over at her, she raised an eyebrow.
    “My mom died when I was little and I don’t know much about my father.” Saying I didn’t know much was an understatement. I had very few memories of him.
    I peeked through the bedroom door as I watched Dad pull the clip from his gun. I leaned my forehead against the door, and it squeaked as the door moved a fraction of an inch further open. My dad’s eyes locked on to mine and I could see he was angry.
    “Damn it. I thought I told you to keep him out of here!” he yelled to my mother as I took off down the hall. I heard him slam the door closed seconds later and the familiar clicking of the lock.
    “Where’d you go?” Jenn asked, placing her fingers on my arm.
    “Just thinking,” I replied as I walked away from Jenn toward Betty.
    “Anything I can help you with?” I asked as I held up a saddle for her to place on one of the horses.
    “If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.” She laughed as she took the saddle from my hands and hoisted it over the back of the cream-colored horse.
    “Which one do you want to ride?” I asked over my shoulder at Jenn, who had made her way to my side.
    “Neither…”
    I frowned at her and ran my hand down the neck of the brown horse.
    “This one seems pretty gentle.”
    “Gentle intentions mean nothing when you’re his size.” She rolled her eyes as she put her hands on her hips. “Fine. I’ll take the brown one.”
    “That’s Duke,” Betty chimed in. “And this here is Jack.”
    “Duke it is.” Jenn smiled.
    “All set.” Betty patted Jack and took a step back.
    “Thanks.” I followed Jenn to the side of Duke as she glanced up his back, not sure how to get herself up there.
    “I’ll boost you. Grab hold of the front of the saddle. Right there.”
    Jenn reached up and wrapped her fingers around the front of the saddle, cursing under her breath. I put my hands on her hips and gripped her tightly as I counted in her ear.
    “One, two, three!” I lifted her over the side of the horse as she wrapped her legs around the giant beast.
    “Pick up the reins so you can guide him where you want to go,” Betty explained as I pulled myself on to my horse.
    “Woah…” I rubbed over his mane as I gathered the reins in my hands. Betty walked to the far end of the barn and opened the giant doors that led into the pasture. The docile creatures followed behind her slowly, used to the routine.
    Stepping out into the