lie in my eyes. Plus, I’d rather not give him something else to worry about. “I’m okay. I’m doing better, Dad. Just like I said, remember?” I glance up to check his expression as I shove some snacks in my bag. He’s watching me so carefully, with a tight half-smile on his face.
“Really,” I say. “Remember? Friends? Studying for calculus? The holo-teachers aren’t as bad as I said. I was just being a brat.”
I snap my bag closed and look up to see Dad’s familiar sympathetic smile. As much as he loves me, even he wants me to be a Normal. Pick a side already, stop moping around, live like a regular person. Stop hoping for something I’ll never be able to have. I can hear that much, at least, in his answer. My fingers mechanically snap my bag shut again.
I slug back a glass of chocolate milk, throw it in the dish sterilizer, and stride out before I even get to hassle Max and Michael for the morning.
There’s a damp chill to the air made up of the first days of autumn and the dew from the grass. I slump into my car and fumble through my bag for my keys. My fingers fidget like I’ve had too much coffee, even though I haven’t had a drop since yesterday morning. I crank up the heat, rub my hands together half to warm them and half for something to do. I briefly consider digging out Elias’s sweatshirt and then decide that wearing it would make me look like a tool or, at least, like one of the girls crushing on him. No chance.
Only then do I glance down at the time on my cuff — quarter to seven. Half an hour before I have to leave for school.
At least being this early to school means I can sneak into the classroom ahead of everyone else. I duck into the bathroom and spend two minutes checking my makeup.
The halls are still empty when I get out, even though a few kids are starting to trickle in from the parking lot. I’m halfway to my locker when Mr. Hoffman practically crashes into me from an adjoining hallway.
“Oh, Merrin! I’m sorry.” But neither his voice nor his expression indicate that he’s surprised at all to be nearly knocking me over. I guess he was always pretty chill in class. He adjusts his glasses. “You’re here awfully early.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m a little weird with time today, I guess. I was out kind of late last night.”
He raises an eyebrow.
I laugh even though most teachers by now would have told me to have a nice day and been on their way. “Just studying with some kids.” He doesn’t say anything, just keeps looking at me with his eyebrow up and a half-smile on his face. “For calc. No science stuff.”
A relaxed smile spreads across his face. “Good. We’ll be studying some high-level material, and I wouldn’t want it slipping out in your study sessions. You understand.”
I nod. I don’t know if he understands how low-level the science classes are here, but nothing I learn with him will ever come up in a Nelson High classroom. I’d bet my drums on it.
“I’ll contact you about our next meeting, alright?”
“Thanks, Mr. Hoffman. It’ll be a welcome change of pace.”
I don’t even think to ask him what he was doing here so early before he turns and continues on his way.
Calc is fourth period, and I’m pretty sure Elias has it second. It takes me longer than usual to pack up my reader and tablet at the end of that class. The first students for second period trickle in and give me weird looks — most of the juniors haven’t seen me around much — but no Elias. I walk out, frustrated with myself, and bump shoulders with Daniel. He lifts up his head in greeting.
I stalk toward my next class through the thinning crowd of students, staring at my shoes, watching them flash across the speckled floor. Where is he? He seemed fine last night.
Someone nudges shoulders with me, and a flash of orange hair swings in front of my face. “Merrin!” Leni says, smiling. “Lunch with me today?”
I’m not fast enough to come up with an excuse for why