Free The Ravishing of Lol Stein by Marguerite Duras Page A

following day I phoned Tatiana and told her that we would not be going to the Bedfords. She thought I was sincere. She told me that it was impossible for her not to accept Lol's invitation this first time.

J OHN B EDFORD has retired to his room. He has a concert tomorrow. He has some exercises to run through on the violin.
    At this point of the evening it is about half-past eleven, and we are in the children's playroom. It is a large bare room, with a billiard table. The children's toys are in one corner, stacked away in boxes. The billiard table is very old, it must have already been in the Stein family before Lol was born.
    Peter Beugner is playing billiards. I am watching him. When we left the theatre, he told me that we should leave Tatiana and Lol alone together for awhile before rejoining them. It seemed likely, he had added, that Lol had some deep dark secret to reveal to Tatiana, which would explain why she had been so insistent about seeing her again.
    I circle the billiard table. The windows looking out over the garden are open. A large door which leads out onto a lawn is also open. The room is next to John Bedford's room. Lol and Tatiana can hear the violin— as we can—but for them it is less loud. A vestibule separates them from these two rooms where the men are. They can no doubt also hear the dull click of the billiard balls as they strike each other. John Bedford's exercises on two strings are high-pitched and piercing. Their monotonous frenzy is wildly musical, the song of the instrument itself.
    The weather is beautiful. But Lol, contrary to custom, has shut the bay windows in the living room. When we reached the darkened house, with its open windows, she told Tatiana, who was surprised to see them that way, that she was in the habit of leaving them open at this time of year. But not tonight. Why? Tatiana probably asked her why. Tatiana's the one who wants to open her heart to Lol, this heart we two never allude to between us, and not vice-versa, that much I know.
    Lol has shown Tatiana her three sleeping children. We heard their muffled laughter echoing on the floor above. And then they came back downstairs to the living room. We were already in the billiard room. I don't know whether Lol was surprised to find us gone. We heard the three bay windows being closed.
    She, on the other side of the vestibule, and I, here in this game room, whose floor I am pacing, are waiting to see each other again.
    It was an amusing play. The women laughed a lot. On three occasions, Lol and I were the only ones laughing. During intermission, as I was passing Tatiana and John Bedford, I was able to gather that they were talking, in a brief aside, about Lol.
    I leave the billiard room. Peter doesn't even notice me go. We make it a rule not to remain alone together for too long at a time, because of Tatiana. I have a strong suspicion that Peter Beugner isn't as oblivious as Tatiana would like to think. I skirt the house, and in a few steps find myself outside one of the lateral bay windows of the living room.
    Lol is seated facing that bay window. She does not yet see me. The living room is smaller than the billiard room, and is furnished with a number of unmatching easy chairs and a large glass case of black wood which houses books and a butterfly collection. The walls are bare, painted white. Everything is meticulously clean, rectilinear in its arrangement, most of the chairs are flush against the walls, and the light, which is inadequate, comes from ceiling fixtures.
    Lol gets up and offers Tatiana a glass of sherry. She, Lol, is not yet drinking. Tatiana seems to be on the verge of confiding something to Lol. She is speaking, then breaks off what she is saying, lowers her eyes, says something, no, that's not yet it. Lol moves about, tries to parry the blow. She does not want Tatiana's secrets, she wouldn't know what to do with them, one even has the impression they would embarrass her. She has us in her hands. Why? How? I