look.
There arenât enough chill pills in the world to get over that kind of mind game.
But Iâm not giving up yet. Not now that I know how to play.
I race through the storesâmore grenades, more arrows, extra batteries for the laser guns, and after much rumination, I trade in the mage staff for a Santa Claus fat suit from the Custom Costume shop.
I have my reasons.
Iâm on a mission now to haul Wyn Salvadorâs sorry butt back home so I can swear at him in person and make him grovel for mercy.
I go back to the portal, arm myself, and start over.
This time around I kill off the sharks, plants, and snake with speed and efficiency. Iâm nowhere near as anxious on this run because I know what to expect. Itâs still pretty terrifying, of course, but I just keep repeating my mantra whenever the fear starts to take over:
Itâs just a game, itâs just a game, itâs just a game. . . .
I take down the pterodactyls even faster this time, and when the last one slams onto the bridge, Iâm ready for it. I equip the Santa suit with lightning speed and let out a victorious âHO HO HO!â as I careen toward the granite cliff, waiting for my fat suit to cushion the impact.
I bounce a few times off the wall like a big red Super Ball, and I let out a laugh, wishing Chang and Moose were here to see this amazing Christmas miracle.
I stop laughing when I hear a
SNAP
above me. Iâm so heavy in the fat suit that Iâve ripped the bridge off its moorings at the top of the cliff.
Down we go, bridge and all, straight into the boiling lava.
I donât yell this time when I wake up in the Landing. Instead, I allow myself to daydream about all the things I will say to Wyn Salvador when I find him. They are very unpleasant things, things that should never ever be uttered aloud, lest you be struck dead by whichever God is currently on duty. Itâs a risk Iâm willing to take.
Once again I run through the Landing and restock, occasionally muttering at the strolling Meeple in their natural-fiber Winter Solstice wear. They just smile at me and continue strolling, presumably filled with the spirit of the Winter Goddess or Nature or something Peaceful and Seasony. In contrast, I am filled with rage, which I try to channel into cold, hard determination. I open my storage locker to trade the damn Santa suit for my mage staff, but in my haste I access the potato gun instead.
What the hell?
I think, leaving it in my inventory. Maybe itâll bring me luck, like Moose says, and God knows Iâm ready for some.
This time, I kill the sharks before they know Iâm there. The man-eating plants are toast after the first
whoosh
; the anaconda doesnât even have time to slither. I make sure to shoot the five wheeling pterodactyls at the three-oâclock or nine-oâclock positions, so they fall straight into the lava and stay away from my bridge.
Finally, the lava gorge dissolves to white.
Victory at last. I stand still for a few minutes, allowing plenty of time to prep myself for the next room. Iâve already blown my âNixy Bauer, Home in an Hourâ 5K bonus, so the extra time doesnât make a difference anymore. Besides, this is the
fourth
room, the room where the MEEP-O Men before me died a thousand deaths before giving up in defeat. Iâm determined to win this one the first time through, as a point of pride.Also, Iâll scream if I wake up in the Landing one more time.
I equip myself with an oak shield and a razor-sharp Gladius sword. Just before I push the yellow button to the next room, I swallow down the pricey speed potion I acquired just for this purpose.
The whiteness turns into a golden haze, and it takes me a moment to get my bearings. Iâm in a desert, melting hot, and the sun shines brightly into my eyes. I spin around in a circle to mark the location of my foes. âJust like the three bears,â Dad had said on the plane,
Tom Sullivan, Betty White
R.L. Stine - (ebook by Undead)