anything to bring a more immediate end to her embarrassment and physical misery. Instead she said nothing, her large damp eyes fearful, like an animal going to slaughter. My mother couldn’t hold her, and I watched her fall back onto the waterproof pad before Mama had gotten her cleaned up properly. I wondered why she had put a clean pad down, but no sooner realized that if she hadn’t done so, a thin mattress cover that looked like wax paper was the only thing protect- ing the bed. The mattress should be covered in plastic, why didn’t they plan for these things? Maybe it was covered, I don’t know, my hands were sweating. I felt sick, I wished I had never eaten food. I wanted to touch the woman’s hand, I had the urge to pull the curtain closed, but I couldn’t make myself do it. Mama was wiping between the woman’s legs, spread f leshy and gray with knots for knees. All the while she continued looking at me, her mouth slightly open, a fine line of saliva running from one corner. That spit made me mad, I wanted her to wipe her mouth. I understood that she couldn’t help what had hap- pened but at least she could wipe her own mouth. Then I immediately saw that she couldn’t because one of her weak arms was pinned un- derneath her side while Mama stood between her body and the other arm, still cleaning her with moist baby wipes.
“I’m almost finished, Miss Margaret. You hold on now and don’t you worry about it. You just need to get yourself cleaned up here and then you’re gon rest and you’re gon feel better. Don’t you think one more thing about it. Maybe I’ll bring you a Co-Cola directly and the bubbles might help your stomach some.”
The woman sounded so exhausted that almost no sound issued when she finally managed to move her lips. “No Lorraine. I don’t want it.”
“That’s all right then. I’ll bring it and put it by your bed so you can have it later.” Mama was drying her hands at the sink and re- turned to the bed to pull the woman’s pajamas back up. “I know how you are and if I don’t bring something, your mouth is gon be gettin dry, and you’ll be buzzin that buzzer all night, only I won’t be here.”
“Where then?” the woman asked, barely a whisper.
“My baby girl came to get me, she’s home from Shaw for the week- end. She’s gon graduate, you know, come May.”
“I declare I didn’t know she was that old.” The woman looked more comfortable now, covered in new sheets and a soft-looking blanket. She looked like she might fall asleep any minute, which was probably as good as anything for her.
I knew I would not leave without saying something. I needed to let her know that her privacy was a sacred thing, that I would never mention even to my mother what I had seen. I could only think of her searching eyes, scanning the room. I knew she wanted to f lee. I also knew that she used to stand and dress and go out to dinner and chat with other ladies, and carry a purse and wear shoes. I knew that she used to send Christmas cards and wrap birthday presents. That she knew what it feels like to laugh until you start to cry. That she used to plan her tomorrows by herself. Her eyes revealed everything.
“Mama?” I pulled the curtain open slightly wider.
“I thought you prob’ly went to the car. You been waitin out there?”
“I wondered if I could help you.”
“Baby, it’s against the rules for you or anybody but family to help us. Insurance.” The woman in the bed was looking at me to see what if anything I was going to do. My mother broke the silence of antici- pation. “This right here is Mrs. Margaret Clayton, she’s one of my
patients. Miss Margaret, this is my daughter I was telling you about. She’s home from college. Says she might be gon go to medical school, now ain’t that something?”
The woman opened her eyes wider, more energetic. “She might have it in her, Lorraine, judging from looking at her. What’s your name, shug?”
“April.” I