Free All the Things I Didn't See by Cindy Sutherland Page A

The Bookmark, a trendy neighborhood bookstore on Avenue L. Peterson, who plays Connor Kane on the soap After Sunset , was the troubled young man’s apparent target.”
    The announcer kept talking as the amateur video zoomed in on Josh and Sam talking with Mathew, who could be seen becoming increasingly agitated.
    “Witnesses told police that Kelly and Peterson tried to calm the man, seen here waving around a gun. You can see a policeman enter the screen on the right with his gun drawn, ordering the man, who has been identified as Mathew Reynolds, 23, of Bridgeport, Connecticut, to drop his weapon. At that moment, Peterson steps in front of Kelly, shielding him. The gunman fired, hitting the young star in the chest. Reynolds was shot dead by the officer.”
    Josh watched the gruesome video play on until all he could see was Sam falling into his arms. He saw himself talking to Sam and saw Sam lifting his hand to Josh’s face.
    All at once he was furious at the person who had this. This was personal. It was like the person had filmed Josh as he lost a piece of his soul.
    He could hear the announcer droning on and on about their characters’ history on the show, the controversy of Connor and Philip having the first gay sex scene on daytime television, but he couldn’t have cared less.
    Rising onto shaking legs, he walked out the door and down the hall to Sam’s room. He needed to see him right now.
    When he reached the door of Sam’s room, Josh was breathless. He looked in, saw him lying there, holding his mother’s hand, apparently asleep.
    But Josh must have made some kind of desperate noise, because Sam’s eyes opened and his gaze shot straight to Josh. The anguish was plain to see in Josh’s eyes, and Sam just reached his hand out to Josh.
He was barely aware of Mary moving out of the way as he crossed the room and grabbed Sam’s hand, collapsing onto the chair she had just vacated.
    Josh dropped his forehead onto Sam’s hip, still gripping one hand, as great, sobbing breaths ripped through his body. He felt Sam’s other hand come up to run through his hair, returning the same comfort Josh had offered earlier.
“I’m so sorry, S… S… Sam.” He could hardly speak, he was shaking so hard.
     
Sam’s fingers tightened in his hair, trying to pull him up, but Josh couldn’t look at him yet.
    “Josh? What’s the matter, son?” Kenneth’s quiet voice behind him broke the silence. “What happened?”
Josh took a deep breath, trying to calm himself enough to speak.
Sam’s father was patient, and after a few minutes, Josh found his voice.
“There was a video just now… on CNN. Some sick fuck recorded the whole fucking thing, and sold it to the media.” Sam made a hoarse sound that finally had Josh looking up to meet his eyes.
    “They didn’t try to help, they just fucking watched. And I got to see it happen all over again. Saw you squeeze in front of me, saw him shoot. Saw his blood all over the fucking place when the cop shot him.” Josh’s voice broke. “And I got to see you fall again. And I saw myself catch you, but it was too late. There was so much blood.”
He was crying again, and he was so sick of it. He’d cried more in the past week than he had in his whole life. Suddenly, he felt more than one set of comforting hands on his back.
    “Josh… honey, I’m so sorry you had to see that. I should have warned you. There are several different versions out there, all over the television and the Internet.”
Josh looked up at Mary. “Are you kidding me? What was wrong with those people? Why didn’t they try to help?”
    Sam just kept looking at Josh. He hated seeing that kind of pain on Josh’s handsome face. He knew that Josh would gladly step in to help a stranger and often did. It was one of the things he loved about him.
    “They were scared, Josh. That man had a gun, and it was obvious to everyone around him that he was disturbed.” She continued stroking his back, trying to comfort him.