Free The Country Life by Rachel Cusk Page B

me, for I was not, asfar as I could make out, climbing a hill. To my left was a tall bank of hedgerows, which I took to be the continuing boundary of the grounds.
    Oriented now, and with no further work to do for the time being, I allowed my mind to focus upon other things. The road, and my memories of my journey with Mr Madden, naturally brought the issue of my inability to drive to the forefront of my thoughts. My deception was still of the greatest concern, but I considered it quite calmly. Now that my arrival at Franchise Farm had been somewhat soured, I was, oddly, relieved of the desire for everything in my new life to be perfect. I had, I suppose, excluded what I can only describe as the human element from my calculations. Although I was disappointed that things had gone wrong at such an early stage of my adventures, still I could see that a measure of imperfection was admissible in, and perhaps essential to, any human situation. You will perhaps find it laughable when I say that I had imagined it possible to exist in a state of no complexity whatever; but a person has a right to their dreams, and this was mine. It had soon proved unsustainable; but I do not regret having had it. Indeed, I find it hard to see how I could be judged harshly, when my willingness to modify my ambitions was so evident. Many people, in the face of such a disappointment, would, I believe, have scrapped the whole thing straight away.
    To return to the problem of my driving, I made, as I walked, several plans. This practical side of my nature often comes in handy. It was this very quality, in fact, which had allowed me to list among my attributes, although it was not in the strictest sense true, the ‘aptitude for the country life’ specified by the Maddens in their advertisement. What I meant was that I possessed the aptitude for any kind of life, country or otherwise. To continue, my several plans were designed to cater for the ‘human element’ I had now detected in my situation, and would, singly, variously, or in numbers, be adopted accordingto which way the wind was blowing. The first and least favourable plan was to confess fully to the Maddens if and when the opportunity arose. The second plan, a more subtle version of the first, was to construct, quite carefully, an atmosphere of reluctance around the issue of driving. I could, for example, say that I had not driven for a long time and was nervous. From this atmosphere, one of two things could emanate: either the Maddens would dismiss me from my driving duties; or they would teach me – or remind me, in their eyes – how to drive themselves. Neither outcome was particularly satisfactory, not least because even if I learned to muddle through behind the wheel, this still did not procure me a driving licence. Within minutes I had put together a corollary to the latter half of this plan. While muddling through behind the wheel during the week, I could, on my day off, take proper driving lessons. This plan was expensive, and its detail burdensome, but it was at least feasible.
    My remaining plans were rather more drastic. I could feign an injury, such as a broken leg or pulled tendon, which would excuse me from driving. Alternatively I could say nothing at all, and merely drive, come what may. I could adopt a mixture of all these plans; put off driving, say, on the pretext of a broken leg, while secretly learning how to drive on my day off, and then assume my driving duties as soon as I possessed a modicum of skill, taking my test later.
    By this time I had come quite a long way along the road. I was extremely hot, but no longer so tired. Indeed, after that first bout of lethargy I had felt new life spring into my limbs, and now was walking with considerable energy. The road was sloping very slightly downhill, and I swung my arms by my sides with a feeling of great physical suppleness. I had noticed some time before a definite settlement ahead of me, but not wishing