Free Unbecoming by Jenny Downham Page A

the girl agreed.
    ‘We should try not to judge them too harshly.’
    ‘Are you talking about you and Mum?’
    ‘I’m talking about everyone I ever knew.’
    The girl looked at her unblinking. ‘Why did you and Mum fall out, do you remember?’
    ‘Perhaps you could ask her?’
    ‘I have. She won’t talk about it. Pat’s a saint and you’re a sinner and that’s all we’re getting. But nothing’s ever that simple, is it? I mean, you lived with each other in London when Mum was a teenager, didn’t you? Was it terrible? Did you hate each other?’
    ‘That’s a lot of questions.’
    ‘I want to understand.’
    ‘Well, if you ever find out, would you be kind enough to let me know?’
    The girl laughed. ‘Maybe we should hire that detective after all?’
    This girl was young and lovely and clearly trying her best and all Mary could do was smile as she tried to push the panic back down. She wanted to say, I’m forgetting so much. Please help me. I think my heart is breaking .
    But what she actually said was, ‘Why are we sitting here?’
    ‘Because you ran away again.’
    A thrill filled her. ‘Did I get far?’
    ‘Every morning you get a bit further. You really would make an excellent escape artist.’
    Mary chuckled. ‘I wonder where I’m going?’
    Something about the weather being mild, was it? Or something about needing to fetch something? See someone? Whatever it was that had brought her to this bench, she was glad of it. She sat, her hands slack in her lap and let the sun warm her face.
    ‘Vitamin D is absorbed through the eyelids,’ she told the girl. ‘Did you know?’
    The girl didn’t reply.
    ‘Did you hear me?’
    It wasn’t often that Mary attempted to impart wisdom, but when she did, surely the child could have the courtesy of listening?
    ‘I’m talking to you, Copper Top!’
    But the girl was looking away across the road, biting her lip. A terrible habit that only showed the world you were afraid and was generally to be avoided at all costs. What was she gawping at? Mary shaded her eyes and strained to see. A group of girls had appeared over there outside a shop. They were all legs and bare arms, tapping into their gadgets and jabbering nonsense far too loudly.
    The girl said, ‘Can we go now?’
    ‘Because of them?’
    ‘Not really.’
    Mmm, well, you never find out anything from the young if you go at them directly. She knew that from her years evading Pat’s rules. She surveyed the young women and tried to assess the possibilities. They were clearly confident sorts, taking up lots of room on the pavement, wanting people to notice.
    ‘Do you know them?’ Mary asked.
    ‘I know her.’ She nodded towards one of the girls. ‘I used to be friends with her.’
    The girl she referred to was blonde, her hair laced with sunshine.
    ‘I bet they’re buying booze,’ the girl said. ‘Some people have got their last exam today, so they’ll be planning something for later.’
    ‘They didn’t invite you?’
    ‘Esme used to get me invited to stuff, but not any more.’
    ‘Did you have a row?’ Mary asked.
    ‘Kind of.’
    ‘Why don’t you go over and make it up?’
    ‘Not when the others are there.’ The girl turned to her, eyes shining. ‘They think I’m a freak.’
    Mary was shocked to feel a sudden rush of love. Why did this child move her so much? Perhaps because she was capable of putting her heart on a plate for the world to see. ‘Some things are worth pursuing.’
    ‘They’ll say stuff.’
    ‘So what if they do? Words never killed anyone.’ Mary crept her hand onto the girl’s knee. ‘Don’t be like Pat, always hiding away, thinking you’re never enough.’
    The girl looked at her with serious eyes. ‘I didn’t know Pat was like that.’
    ‘Risk your heart,’ Mary said. ‘It makes things happen. You see if I’m right.’
    But then the group gathered themselves to move off, so none of it mattered anyway. And was it Mary’s imagination, or did the girl