Free Jacob's Return by Annette Blair Page B

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    Fast upon the wings of morning, earth beckoned.
    Milking time was little more than an hour away. Already the cows made their discomfort known.
    Rachel watched Jacob dress. Jacob. Hers undeniably now, if only in her heart, because more than ever before, his taste, his texture, his very essence, were a part of her.
    She could not seem to stop her tears. She needed to have him hold her for about fifty more years before she might have enough. And even then....
    But they both knew, though they did not discuss it, they could never be together in this way again.
    She understood.
    She grieved.
    She could not hide from him that she was crying. After he fastened his suspenders, he pulled her into his arms and put his chin on her head for a few silent moments.
    He stepped back so he could see her face. “The Elders would see what we have done as wrong.”
    “Yes,” she said, looking into the loving depths of his eyes. Did he consider it such, deep in his heart?
    “But, God forgive me, I cannot accept such a notion, nor am I sorry.”
    “Nor I,” Rachel said, her eyes closed, her head spinning with relief.
    “Rachel.”
    She opened her eyes.
    “Did you feel the need to confess it, I would understand,” he said, unable to hide his worry.
    “We would both be shunned if either of us confessed,” she said. “And if we were, Aaron and Emma could not be raised here with Datt. It would be like putting them under the ban too. Because of them, we cannot.”
    Jacob released his breath, raised her hand to his lips, and kissed her fingertips. “Thank you. Raising them with Datt, with you, is my greatest wish for them.”
    “I know.” She threw herself into his arms, rejoiced at his rough hold upon her, his lips on hers, his tongue plunging into the depths of her mouth.
    Not deep enough, not nearly enough time, nothing for them was enough. This kiss became a last grasp upon heaven, and because of it, her joy was dimmed.
    Wantonness, a need for Jacob so strong she nearly gasped, rushed in and seized Rachel. Simon was right about her.
    Poor Simon. He would never understand that hand in hand with love, abandon could be the most beautiful gift two people could give each other. It could even wash away ugliness and fear. This she knew for fact.
    “If you need my help with Simon,” Jacob said, as if reading her thoughts, I will defy the Church Elders until hell freezes over to help you. True, those babies need their family and the community to thrive, but they need you more. Don’t take any chances with him, Rache. Promise me, you won’t let him hurt you again. The next time, it could be worse.”
    “There will not be a next time, Jacob. Simon understands that the details of our marriage would not fare well laid bare for everyone in the district to examine.”
    Jacob nodded, his eyes bright. He cleared his throat. “I should never have left you. For that I will never forgive myself.”
    “But you have Aaron and Emma. You would not have them if you had stayed.”
    “And what have you but a husband who abuses you at every turn?”
    “I have your little monkeys to raise, do not forget. They are worth having.”
    “As are you.”
    Jacob spoke with so much love, she could float with the pleasure of it. “Since I am barren, had we married, we would not have them. Unbelievable as it may seem, perhaps our separation, everything, has all been part of a greater plan.”
    “Even last night?”
    Rachel bit her lip. She could not deny her worry over what they did, but as she looked into Jacob’s eyes, she could not help the love within her. “We will leave it to our Maker to judge us, shall we?”
    Jacob nodded. “Since He can see into our hearts, we will hope for mercy.”

Chapter 6
    A rooster crowed.
    Cows heavy with milk shifted and lowed.
    His mind far from his task, Jacob milked.
    If his heart could be read, he thought, he would be damned. Perhaps almost from the first, he’d known in some tiny, distant part of his brain,