Free What Have I Done? by Amanda Prowse Page A

head forward. She whispered through her tears, though no one was listening.
    ‘Neither do I, my darling. Neither do I.’
    Mark came through into the kitchen and placed his hand on her shoulder, alerting her to his presence and causing her to stand up straight and swallow her tears.
    ‘Is everything all right, Kathryn? That sister of yours not been upsetting you, has she?’
    She stared at his face, which did not betray the slightest indication that he had heard the whole exchange, and shook her head.
    ‘No, Mark.’
    ‘Well I’m jolly glad to hear that. We are very busy people with a great deal of responsibility and I don’t want you worrying about anything that doesn’t directly concern us.’
    It was almost an instruction. He leant forward and kissed her long and hard, crushing her to him with his arm across her lower back. Her tears had caused her breathing to lose its natural rhythm; she had no choice but to hold her breath while he covered her mouth. Her head felt light, the threat of a faint pawed at her senses. It felt endless.
    Finally, he released her.
    ‘I tell you what, darling, why don’t you pop upstairs andmake yourself look neat and pretty and then you can put the kettle on and we shall have a cup of tea.’
    Again she nodded, knowing that his suggestion was actually a direct order. She slowly climbed the stairs and tried to stem the flow of tears. Taking up her position at the dressing table, she replayed her sister’s words in her head, ‘
You may have an idyllic little life, but I don’t like who or what you have become.’ Oh yes
, thought Kathryn.
I have an idyllic little life
.
     
    ‘Only me!’
    Judith’s voice interrupted Kathryn’s reliving of that dreadful phone call three weeks earlier. Mark’s PA always announced her arrival in this way. She came through the back door and into the kitchen, which irritated Kathryn but was only one of a thousand things about Judith that irritated her. It was actually one of her smaller misdemeanours. Judith’s chief offence was the way she referred to Mark as ‘Headmaster’, as though he were a person of such venerableness and status that he could be addressed in this way, like the Pope or Madonna. If only she knew what he was really like.
    Judith was in her late forties, single and extremely overweight, but without any of the embarrassment or awkwardness that people of her size sometimes displayed. There was no clever dressing to minimise the contours, no opting for black, long or layered, oh no. Judith would happily wear a vest and a pair of khaki shorts, enjoying the stares and double-takes that came her way from pupils and staff alike. She would mistake their glances as interest and not revulsion.
    ‘Morning, Kathryn! Lovely day!’
    Kathryn nodded but didn’t speak, looking up only briefly from the washing-up. She didn’t feel like engaging, bantering with this woman about nothing. She didn’t have the inclinationor the energy; she figured correctly that the less she said, the quicker the exchange would be over.
    ‘Headmaster has asked me to pop over to remind you that there is a masters’ meeting tonight,
dans la cuisine
! So the usual, please: dips, chips, plonk et cetera and of course gluten-free for Mr Middy; we don’t want a repeat of the swollen tongue and loose bowel episode that almost blighted the fifth-form careers fair last month. We’ve only just managed to get the carpet tiles in the junior common room replaced. Anyhoo, thought I’d better give you the heads up. All okay?’
    ‘Yup, perfectly.’
    It was the best Kathryn could offer. She disliked the way Judith treated her, as if she were an extension of Headmaster’s retinue. It made her feel more like the hired caterer than the wife of said Headmaster. It didn’t anger her any more; in fact she was almost glad of the diversion, knowing that to have her time filled with something – anything – was better than having time to think.
    ‘Headmaster is in a rather