Free One Eye Laughing, the Other Weeping by Barry Denenberg Page A

silence for the longest time, hoping I could feel His presence so that I would know that my prayer had been heard. But I could feel nothing, and the only sound was my own breathing.
     
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 20, 1938
Daddy was taken to the police station today. He was picked up while he was making some house calls. They made him stand there for hours with no food, water, or explanation, and then he was thrown into a van and taken to a huge army barracks and put in with hundreds of other poor souls.
They were made to run in between SS men who kicked them and struck them with their rifle butts. Daddy was lucky — others were taken somewhere else for interrogation.
     
MONDAY, APRIL 25, 1938
Daddy looks so tired and sad. His green eyes used to sparkle like he was just about to let you in on a big se-cret, but now they are dull and lusterless.
Three of his patients died from heart attacks this past week because of the hideous things they were forced to endure.
The Nazis patrol the streets constantly, and you can be picked up without warning and taken away at any time.
There is no use trying to hide. They have the names and addresses of all the Jews in Vienna. There are ru-mors that any day now they are going to go from house to house and send us far, far away.
Max has heard about camps just for Jews. His friend’s father returned from one of these camps but won’t say anything about it because he doesn’t want to be sent back.
People are starved there and some are killed as soon as they arrive.
This is the first time I have heard about any camps. Max heard about a lady who boarded a train carrying a small suitcase, which she took with her into the
     
WC. After a few minutes, she came out in a long, white wedding gown, calmly walked down the aisle smiling at everyone, and when she got to the end, walked in between the cars and threw herself off the speeding train.
     
FRIDAY, APRIL 29, 1938
Daddy still goes to the office every day, despite the risk.
He has lost some of his Gentile patients, although not all, because many of them know that Daddy is the best.
It is very dangerous for him to go to work, but there is no talking sense to him. He says his patients need him. Max goes out every night and that, too, is dangerous. Daddy doesn’t approve, and they argue, but Max ends up going anyway.
I have an easier time of it because I am blond. To be blond now is good. If you’re blond, you may walk in the streets without fearing for your life. If you’re blond, you don’t have to worry about what’s around every corner. If you’re blond, you can look someone in the eye and not be afraid of what you’ll see.
     
Although I do have to go get food at shops that are far from our apartment so they won’t know me, won’t know that I am Julie Weiss — Jew.
This morning a couple stopped their car and asked me if I wanted a ride. They both had gold swastika pins on their lapels.
I was going to run, but they were looking at me so adoringly that I realized they didn’t see the real me at all. All they could see were my Aryan looks and there-fore I was safe. I was invisible. Their foolishness made me bold and I got into the back seat.
On the way they told me that they have always wanted to have a girl, but they hadn’t been blessed with one yet. If they were, they hoped she would look just like me.
I told them they were embarrassing me and I actually blushed.
When we got to the store, I thanked them for the ride and they said, “Heil Hitler” and so did I.
On my way back from the grocer’s I saw a group of SS soldiers in their hideous black-and-silver uniforms pushing around a blind boy. They were in a circle pushing him from one to the other while tears of terror streamed down his poor little face.
     
I didn’t dare look for long and just scurried on my way.
The world I knew is collapsing all around me, and I can only stand by and look on in helpless horror and mute disbelief. There is nothing I can do.
     
SUNDAY, MAY 1, 1938
Daddy