Free The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible by Dr. Ali Binazir Page B

really fun, good-looking, and we were laughing the whole time.  After the theater we went to this late night café and talked until 3am."   I said, "That's fantastic!  When are you going to see him again?"  She responded, "Well, I don't know.  I'm not sure if there's going to be a second date.  I didn't feel that instant chemistry, you know, those butterflies in your stomach, that tingle you get all over your body that says this guy is the one ." 
                  Well, that's interesting.  Clearly she's had a good time, and yet she's reluctant to follow up.  Sometimes this happens because she's had relationships in the past which have started with that 'big spark'.  But the irony is that all those relationships that started with intense chemistry and the big spark have ended, leaving her – single.  Those men aren't around anymore.  Although this does not invalidate those relationships, it does make one wonder if instant chemistry is indeed the prerequisite for a fulfilling long-term relationship.
    This leads us to an even bigger irony.  I always make a point of asking women in happy relationships – married or not – about how they first met their partners.  And before even getting started with the story, many of them say, "You know, the first time I met him I didn't really like him that much."  So it turns out that a lot of long-lasting relationships start with the woman disliking the guy somewhat, let alone having instant chemistry with him.
    Love is not a sudden burst of energy and excitement that overwhelms your neurology in an instant.  That's called a roller coaster, or a fireworks display, or infatuation, or panic attack.  Love is the sustained, ever-deepening appreciation of another person over time.  It is more like an edifice than a spectacle.  It takes time to build, and once built, it tends to last a while.  As Shakespeare said in Romeo and Juliet , "violent delights have violent ends."  A fulfilling long-term relationship may start this way.  Most don't.
    Yet some women look for a cataclysmic first meeting where bells go off, firecrackers shoot around, and the earth shakes beneath her feet.  He will be a prince in rust-free armor on a white horse, perfect in every way, and he will materialize to sweep her off her feet and whisk her away to the great kingdom of romance.  And he'll have ballet tickets. 
    Perhaps this has its roots in popular Western depictions of love in movies, television, romance novels and such.  What we have to realize is that these accounts of courtship are specific to Western culture.  In India, where the divorce rate is lower than in America, most marriages are arranged .  On their wedding day, the bride and groom may be meeting each other only for the first time!  And yet, after time, many learn to love one another and have a lasting union. 
    I am not at all recommending that you go and ask your parents to find you a suitable boy and give up on the whole dating thing.  What I do want is your empowerment and fulfillment.  The Western romantic model of relationships is a cultural construct, and one that isn't necessarily all that successful, considering the 50% divorce rate in the United States.  For something as important as fulfilling companionship, I believe you deserve better than a coin flip. 
    So release your attachment to the notion that you have to fall madly in love with someone in order to be fulfilled.  Passion is great, romance is great, but do bring a little bit of yang into the mix – a little bit of deliberation.  Madly in love is still mad, and mad people tend to make silly choices.
                  Now love at first sight does happen on occasion, and very rarely, you do get those butterflies in your stomach from the get-go.  That's great, but just remember that there's little correlation between the butterflies and whether a man can actually be a source of lasting fulfillment for you.  This is because the