Free When You Make It Home by Claire Ashby Page B

meant to be. I shuddered to think about all those years I had wasted, heartbroken over him.
    “Steve didn’t take it well?”
    “No, he had it out with Jason. Steve’s always been extremely protective of me. My relationship with Jason had destroyed his friendship with Steve. But I couldn’t stop seeing Jason. First love is powerful. It consumed me. It also put a huge strain on my relationship with Steve.”
    Theo gave me a knowing look.
    “We were all going to go to University of Texas, but out of nowhere, Jason decided to move over an hour away and go to Baylor. He promised me nothing would change between us, but once he left, I didn’t hear from him again.”
    The corners of Theo’s mouth turned down as he drove through the dark streets. “What?”
    “I know. I couldn’t understand it either. I went to confront him. We’d only been apart for a month. I thought maybe he needed to see me to remember what we had. A girl answered his door. She was alone. I told her I was his girlfriend, and she said Jason told her he’d dumped me. So I turned around and went home.”
    Theo shook his head in disbelief. “He didn’t call you?”
    “No. But I waited anyway. For a long time I believed he’d come back. But he never did. I learned later that Jason married the girl after she got pregnant. For a while I wanted to be Jason’s pregnant wife more than I wanted anything else.” I was fully aware of the irony of what I was saying. “But Jason moved on without even telling me goodbye.”
    “That story is a pretty close match to your one with Bradley,” Theo said.
    “Yes, my history repeats itself,” I agreed warily.
    “Did you sleep with Jason to get back at his wife?”
    “No, I would never do that.”
    “So when the chance came, you hooked up with him?” Theo turned into my parking lot.
    “It’s not that simple.”
    “It can’t be that complicated.” Theo circled the parking lot, looking for a vacant spot.
    “I was on Facebook one night after Bradley and I broke up. Jason contacted me, and I gave him my phone number. The timing seemed perfect to reconnect. We talked for hours that night. He’d been married for seven years, and they had four kids. He left his wife after finding out she was having an affair.” I wanted to justify my actions, but I still felt the bitter aftertaste of shame after I swallowed the explanation.
    “He said counseling didn’t help and they were preparing to divorce. I told Jason all about how I had called off my wedding. After a while, we stopped talking about our exes and moved on to reminiscing about our past. He called me again the next night. And then every night for a week. He was an escape. I saw my chance for closure.” We were sitting in the dark corner of the parking lot. The rain had eased to a light sprinkle. Theo turned off the car but made no move to get out; he reclined in the driver’s seat. Even with his injuries, he looked powerful, his hand behind his head, eyes locked on me.
    “That Friday morning, Jason called and told me to pack my bags. He insisted we should be bold and jet off to Cancun for the weekend, celebrate being single again. The idea was outrageous, but I went with him. We reunited for the first time in eight years at the airport in Houston. We had a toast to our freedom, and then we jumped on a plane to disappear for forty-eight hours. I emailed Steve that I was visiting an old college friend who was struggling with an impending divorce and told him I’d be back on Monday. He emailed back to ask who I was with, but by then I was already in Cancun. I never replied.” I didn’t want to tell Theo about the drinking and dancing Jason and I did on the beach. “It started out pretty cool, being with him again after all those years. But something was off, and Jason knew it, too. We used each other to fill the missing spot in our hearts. Being with Jason was familiar and safe, but we didn’t have a real connection. By the next morning, I wanted to