Free Personal Experiences by Tracy Lee Page A

the beginning of June when I had a sinus infection and daddy put me on antibiotics. Then the senior skip weekend at the lake popped in my head. Holy shit on a stick! I said to myself, that weekend was actually a week after I finished the last dose of medicine.
    Seeing the smile leave my face gradually; Dr. Robbins knew that I now comprehended everything he had said to me. Meanwhile, I was realizing that mine and TJ's lives were totally fucked. I pictured our futures. Me standing out in the back yard of our home, a run-down old shack, hanging out to dry hand-washed ratty old clothes. Wearing a stained, cigarette burned, old housecoat, barefoot and pregnant…again; thanks to another cocktail of sinus infection, antibiotic and birth control pills, with a kid on my hip, three other kids fighting and chasing each other around me while screaming and crying. TJ sitting up on the back porch in overalls with a cigarette hanging off his lip and a beer in his hand, screaming at me how I had fucked up his whole life, how he hated me and wished he never met me.
    This couldn't be happening to me. No, this was a bad dream. I was still sleeping and I was going to wake up any moment now and be back in my pink room which was messy because of all the boxes, clothes and princess shit all over the floor. Yep, I would wake up and go back to packing again for college. That's when it hit me. Christ, college. I was supposed to be leaving for college in a week. I was getting the fuck out of Richland and beginning my life. So was TJ. He had a scholarship, he couldn't turn that down; He had waited his whole life and worked his ass off for this opportunity. Coaches from all over the United States were trying to recruit him. There was no way he was missing his chance, I wasn't going to let him.
    "Harper…Ms. Harper" my name caught my attention and I turned to Dr. Robbins. "Ms. Harper, I see you have a lot to think about. If you have any questions I will be here all evening, please let your nurse know and they can have me paged."
    He knew what was going through my mind. "Ms. Harper, the state of Georgia prohibits abortion, unless the health of the mother is at risk or the fetus is not viable…I'm sorry."
    I nodded my head with tears in my eyes and waited for him to leave for my breakdown to commence.
    My mind was going a thousand miles a minute, so many things were running through my mind. What do I do? Where do I go? Do I keep it? Do I get rid of it? There were two questions that I already knew the answers to; One: No one was going to know about this. Two: TJ was definitely not finding out about this, he was not going to ruin his life because of my fuck up. I didn't even realize tears were still streaming down my face.
    Staring at the wall, my head was in a haze. I heard the door burst open as my father surged through to come to a halt a second later. Lifting my head I looked in his eyes and I knew he knew. I can't do anything. I can't cry anymore, I can't speak, I just stared into his eyes. He slowly walked over to me like I had a knife to my throat and one false move meant the end of the line for me. He gently sat on the corner of the bed.
    "Elle-"
    "Don't!" I cried. Hearing the harshness in my tone and wishing I wouldn't take my anger out on him, I cleared my throat and whispered. "Please daddy, don't. I know, trust me I know."
    "Oh Elleny, my dear sweet baby…I wasn't going to say anything negative. Baby, we will work it out. But please, Darlin'; I can't lose the other half of my heart."
    I grabbed my daddy by the lapel of his shirt and laid my head on his shoulder and just sobbed into his chest. I felt like I was nine again, falling off my bike, scraping my knee, I would run straight to him and he would hug me so tight I couldn't breathe, tell me it was going to be ok, then he'd wash up my boo-boo, put a bandage on it and it would all be ok. My daddy knew what to do.
    "I just cannot believe the shame that this is going to bring on this family!"
    I