exacting man and with a hard twist in the center of
my chest, I painfully realized just how much I missed Mr. Moran, Everett’s dad.
It broke my heart that my father couldn’t or wouldn’t love me like Mr. Moran
loved Everett and even me.
“Sloth is one of the severest sins. The church is holding a
fundraiser just before the holidays. I expect you there to help,” he said.
“Yes, Daddy,” I nodded and he banged a fist on the table top
causing the flatware to jump, myself and my mother along with it.
“Don’t use that sullen tone with me girl!” he raised his
voice.
“I apologize, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way, I just
meant that of course I would be there to help!” I stared at my father wide
eyed, and held still. He stared at me with an unfriendly gaze and my mother
interjected quietly.
“Jim, darling, I’m sure our Mandy-girl didn’t mean for it…”
my dad’s hand flashed out and caught my mother in the mouth in an open handed
slap. My mother cried out and pressed both of her small hands over the red
print left behind and pressed her lips together, her shoulders hunching, eyes
downcast and subservient, I did the same, casting my eyes to my plate. The
silence was the loudest I had ever heard it. All of us tense.
“Eat your dinner. The both of you,” my father ordered and
with shaking hands my mother and I automatically began to shovel small bites of
food into our mouths. There were no tears. We didn’t cry. My father had no use
for tears and all they did was make him come unglued even harder. We finished
the meal in tense silence and waited patiently for daddy to get up and go back
to his football game. As soon as he did my mother and I travelled wraithlike
between the dining room and kitchen, clearing the plates.
I was on the final trip from the dining table to the kitchen
when I caught my mother at the kitchen sink. She gripped the edge as one side
of the two basin sink filled with hot sudsy water. Her fingers turning white
from her death grip on the counter. She bowed her head and her shoulders shook
with silent sobs. I went to her and hugged her from behind. My mother always
tried to draw his ire off of me, sometimes, like today, it worked. Other times,
not so much. I hugged her from behind and Everett’s words from two weekends ago
echoed back to me.
For the first time ever, I contemplated it. I really did. I
wondered what the look on my father’s face would be if he opened the front door
to see Dray or even Zander standing on the stoop with vengeance in their
hearts. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes as my mother sobbed at our kitchen
sink. I prayed really hard for forgiveness and that my father would realize
what a bastard he was and would come to his senses, would seek out some help…
I’d been praying for these things for as long as I could remember and they
hadn’t happened yet.
“Why do you stay with him?” I whispered and my mother patted
my hand with hers.
“You wouldn’t understand Mandy-girl, you wouldn’t
understand.” She sniffed and wiped beneath her eyes and thrust her hands into
the hot water filling the sink. She was right, I didn’t understand. I don’t
think there was anything that would ever make me understand.
She washed, I dried. It was how it had always been. Our
kitchen didn’t have a dishwasher. When everything was in its place, and
everything sparkled and looked perfect as it should, I gathered my purse from
the kitchen chair under the wall-mounted telephone. Another testament to my
father’s outdated and antiquated way of thinking. The house had a land line and
he wouldn’t hear anything of carrying a cellphone.
“I love you, Mom,” I murmured and hugged her close.
“Oh, I love you too Mandy-girl,” she hugged me tightly.
“Daddy! I’m leaving!” I called.
“Drive safe, Autumn,” he grumbled from the living room, but
don’t mistake it for being a sweet gesture, no. He just didn’t want to pay
higher insurance premiums or