Free Far From You by Lisa Schroeder Page A

them,
    scowled at me
    as he told me
    how much the family
    needed me to be
    a team player.
    “Dad,” I screamed, “I didn’t forget on purpose!”
    Then I ran up the stairs
    to get ready for my date,
    thinking what a
    rotten coach
    my father
    made.

the answer
    That night,
    Blaze picked me up
    looking like
    he just stepped out
    of Rolling Stone magazine.
    Hot.
    “Blaze,” Dad said, coming up behind me at the door,
    “want to come in for a few minutes?”
    “He can’t,” I said.
    “We have, uh, dinner reservations.
    Bye.”
    I stepped out
    onto the porch
    and shut the door
    behind us,
    before they had a chance
    to say anything else.
    “You in a hurry?” he asked.
    “And should I take that as a good sign?”
    I smiled. “In a hurry to get out of there, is all.”
    He pulled me close,
    gave me a squeeze and a kiss,
    and whispered,
    “I’m excited to be with you, too.
    I love you so much, Ali.”
    And in that moment,
    knowing completely and fully
    that no one
    understood me
    or loved me
    more than Blaze,
    I heard my soul whisper
    yes.

hold on tight
    Italian food
    is Blaze’s favorite.
    I remember that night so clearly;
    I can smell the oregano and garlic
    and hear the buzz of conversation
    wafting through the restaurant.
    We talked and laughed
    over plates of
    angel hair pasta piled high
    with tangy marinara sauce
    and fresh parmesan cheese
    sprinkled on top.
    Blaze twirled the noodles
    around his fork, and I thought,
    Those noodles are like me,
    wrapped around
    Blaze’s little finger.
    We shared a bowl
    of spumoni ice cream,
    one bite for him,
    one bite for me,
    and so on,
    until the little silver bowl
    sat empty
    between us.
    When I pulled his gift
    from my coat pocket,
    he smiled
    like a five-year-old
    on Christmas.
    “Happy birthday.”
    Blaze dreams
    of the day
    he rides off
    into the sunset
    on a Harley,
    so I was thrilled
    to find
    the vintage
    Harley Davidson key chain
    on eBay.
    He turned it
    over and over
    in his hands,
    admiring its beauty
    and the words
    I had engraved
    on the back.
    Another year ahead.
    Ready, set, go.
    Please take me with you.
    Love, Ali.
    Then
    Blaze’s hands
    reached across the table
    and cradled my face.
    “Of course you can come with me,” he said.
    An image of me and him
    on a Harley,
    riding far, far away,
    popped into my head.
    And I wished
    I had bought him
    the motorcycle
    to go along
    with the key chain.

what does it mean?
    With happy hearts
    and stuffed bellies,
    we left the restaurant
    and walked out
    into the drizzly night.
    As we approached his car,
    Blaze pulled me to him
    and kissed my neck,
    sending tingles
    up
    and
    down and sideways
    through
    my
    body.
    “I got us a room,” he told me.
    “At the MarQueen Hotel.
    We can stay for a few hours,
    then I’ll take you home.”
    I kissed his delicious lips again
    and tried to imagine myself
    tangled in sheets
    with the boy I love
    in the old and charming
    MarQueen Hotel.
    “That’s sweet,” I said.
    “Your first time should be sweet,” he said
    as he unlocked my car door,
    “like freshly baked cookies.
    Or spumoni ice cream.
    I want it to be special, Al.”
    And when he said that,
    for some reason,
    I thought of Mom
    and those cookies she’d made me
    on that miserable day.
    Suddenly,
    no matter how much love
    was in my heart
    for Blaze,
    I felt
    empty.
    As empty
    as the ice cream dish
    we had just
    left
    behind.

mixed-up
    I should have felt
    good.
    Happy.
    Excited.
    I wanted to feel
    good.
    Happy.
    Excited.
    The look on Blaze’s face
    told me he felt
    good.
    Happy.
    Excited.
    But when we walked into
    the lobby of the hotel
    and I saw a happy family—
    a mom, a dad,
    and two girls—
    I felt scared.
    Sad.
    Confused.
    I watched
    as the girls each took
    their father’s hands in theirs,
    pulling on them,
    as they begged him
    to take them
    to the Space Needle.
    He laughed,
    then gathered them
    up and into his arms
    and told them
    he promised to take them
    in the morning.
    I thought of Blaze
    holding