Free Lost Innocence by Susan Lewis Page A

at first, understanding, in spite of how much it was hurting him, that she’d needed some time and space to come to terms with the loss. It would be too much to expect him to carry on considering her feelings when to his mind she had no right to them anyway, but how could she just put them aside as thoughthey didn’t exist, when most of the time they were the only part of her that seemed real?
    While Robert was at the funeral, which he’d forbidden her to attend, she’d gone to the church, here in Holly Wood, and sat alone at the back, whispering to Craig in her mind, feeling the words in her heart. She’d told him how much she still loved him and always would. She’d pictured them together during the times they’d laughed and made love, forgetting the pain and wretchedness that had all but destroyed her after their break-up. She’d never believed then, and she still didn’t now, that he’d stopped loving her. No matter what he told Alicia, or himself, she’d always known that deep in his heart he remained hers. It was why she’d found their parting impossible to accept, and the news of his death had come as such a terrible blow. The dreams, the certainty, that one day they would be together could never now come true.
    And if they couldn’t she had to wonder if there was any point to going on.
    Were it not for Robert and Annabelle there really wouldn’t be, and she’d caused so much damage in her relationships with them that she often felt afraid that they might actually be better off without her. She asked herself, if there was a door she could open that would lead her to Craig, would she go through? Would she really turn her back on two people she loved so much, whom she felt as bonded to as her own heart, to be with another who was no longer in this world, and yet meant more to her than life?
    The answer was, she didn’t know, but a part of her was breathless with relief that there was no such door, so the choice didn’t have to be made.

Chapter Four
    ‘Hey Mum, sorry did I wake you?’
    ‘No, not at all,’ Alicia lied, struggling to come to. ‘Is everything OK?’ Not, what time is it? How are you, darling? Or, what have you forgotten? Already an ocean of dread was closing around her heart, drowning the beat. Was this how it was going to be from now on, always living in fear that another sudden disaster had struck?
    ‘I’m cool,’ Darcie told her chirpily. ‘It’s just that my mobile might not work where we’re going today, so I didn’t want you to worry if you couldn’t get hold of me.’
    ‘Where are you going?’ Alicia asked, glancing at the clock. Still only seven thirty, making it eight thirty in France.
    ‘Oh, just on a hike, but it’s pretty remote in places, apparently.’
    ‘Don’t forget to wear a hat and cover yourself in factor thirty,’ Alicia cautioned, thinking of her daughter’s tender fair skin.
    ‘Yeah, yeah. So how are you? Sorry I missed you last night, Verity and I went into the local village with her sister where they were having some kind of fete. It was really cool. Did you go over to Rachel’s for a barbecue in the end?’
    ‘I did,’ Alicia confirmed. ‘They all send their love. Una’s dying to see you.’
    ‘Tell her, me too,’ Darcie trilled, not adding she’s the only good thing about moving there , but Alicia heard it anyway. ‘So what are you doing today?’
    Alicia thought, then remembering, a swell of pleasure made her smile. ‘Nat’s arriving this afternoon,’ she reminded her. ‘I’m picking him up from the station at three.’
    ‘Oh yeah, of course. Is Summer coming with him?’
    ‘Yes. She’s staying until Wednesday, apparently.’
    ‘Mm.’
    ‘What?’
    ‘Nothing.’
    ‘Come on.’
    ‘It’s just that I’m not really sure about her,’ Darcie confessed.
    Knowing it was unlikely Darcie would feel sure about anyone who threatened to steal her place in Nat’s affections, Alicia said, ‘Nat likes her, and that’s what’s