wanted
to, and so took it out on their kids. Unfortunately, since I was
the only one she had, one hundred percent of that energy turned
into making sure I was the perfect child, that I lived the figure
skating dream my mother had hoped for herself.
Twenty two years after
she put me in my first pair of figure skates, and it had been eight
years since I had worn a pair. I was twenty four now. A woman in my
own right. I had escaped the clutches of my mother’s fingers, I had
gotten away from the life she wanted for me, and I had carved out
the life I wanted for myself. When I got to my late teens I
realized I was never going to be a professional figure skater. I
was pretty good, absolutely, but I didn’t have the natural talent
required to really make the national team. I was lanky, I was a
little bit awkward, and while I absolutely had the work ethic, I
realized it just wasn’t going to happen. If only my mother had
accepted that.
Unfortunately, wounds
to the soul don’t heal nearly as quickly as wounds to the body. I
was thankful for Lisa; she was my only friend, really. I had a hard
time trusting people. Most people would ask about my past, want to
know everything when I told them about how I used to figure skate.
Not Lisa. She never asked. She realized immediately it was a touchy
subject and never brought it up again. We didn’t speak about
anything that happened before we met.
It’s also part of the
reason why I never had boyfriends. I mean, I wasn’t a virgin. But I
never allowed myself to get close to someone. We would go on a
couple of dates, it’d be fun, maybe I’d even invite him over for
the night, but eventually, he always got too close. He always
wanted to know , to really discover me, and the thought of it
terrified me. I always ended up pushing men away. My last boyfriend
was even worse than that, and that’s when I gave up on romance. It
wasn’t for me. I would live out my days a single woman.
Career-oriented, they would call me, and I was happy with that.
I forced the thoughts
out of my head. I wasn’t going to dwell on the past. I was my own
woman now. I had gotten good grades in high school, gone to
college, graduated, and now found a great job that paid pretty well
and was now treating me with a week in Hawaii. Right now, I didn’t
have a lot to complain about when it came to my life.
Twenty minutes later I
was done packing. As I climbed into bed, my suitcase on the floor,
ready to go the following afternoon, I was getting excited.
Travel had never really
been the sort of thing I’d been able to do in my life. I mean,
that’s not strictly true. Growing up I’d gone all over the country
taking part in figure skating competitions. But driving around the
northern part of America with my mom in a van, sleeping in the back
seat, sometimes getting a hotel room, wasn’t exactly what I called
“travelling”. Usually I never saw more than the arena and maybe one
major landmark wherever we went.
After I broke away from
my mother’s clutches, I was on my own. When I went to college, I
had to pay for everything myself. My two part time jobs paid for my
food, and some of my rent, but not much else. I lived off student
loans, and still had about $20,000 worth to pay off. I had decided
when I finally paid them off and saved some money I would go travel
around Europe for two months, but that was a long way off. This was
going to be the first time I’d ever been on a plane. The first time
I was ever going to be somewhere tropical.
I met up with Lisa and
the rest of the staff from our office at the Minneapolis airport
the next day. I grinned at her as I came up with my suitcase, all
of us waiting for our manager, Tom, to come over and organize check
in.
“Hey,” I told Lisa as I
went up to her. “Excited?”
“Oh my God, yes. You
have no idea how jealous Rob is of me right now. It’s amazing. I
can’t believe this is actually happening. I love Hawaii so much,
and I know you will